She Did IT (and now she wants more!)

2010-10-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

Making Peace With Me Myself and I

At times I'm hard on myself...and then I start thinking that I'm not hard enough on myself....I know too much analyzing might actually be my problem....

I've been on an incredible journey this year which is what this blog has been about....and I all too often forget the steps that I've taken in this journey....I just recently was beating myself up about not accomplishing anything...not reaching for new things....Shortly after this a friend not even knowing how I had been feeling posted some pics that she had taken several months ago @ my sprint tri....I sat there and looked at them and then I looked at them again...and again....Then it hit me! Wow I have really come a long long way in one year! I've had a year filled with firsts! I've become active again...I've started to run which I've never done...I've conquered a major fear of water....I've run 5ks....I've run a 1/2 marathon!....AND I've completed a triathlon! All of these things started as a little tiny tiny dream last Sept. A dream that I've lived and made real!

So I'm turning over a new leaf....I'm not comparing myself to others that have done this sort of thing all their life...I'm comparing me to me! Where I've come from! I'm enjoying those little victories that I have made happen! And I'm moving forward!

Lulu

2010-09-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

Thankful

I took the break....I felt guilty about the break...and then I felt disgusted with myself...all because I thought that I had lost so much ground that I wouldn't get it back before my last race of the year....Well it turns out just maybe I will get what I want out of this last race....

I have this idea of a time that I would like to achieve with this race because it is the anniversary of my first 5k....I remember that race with the fondest of memories...I felt like I had achieved so much when I did it....but yet I would like to go back and blow it out of the water! I was on the track for this...and then well then I took that break!

I have been trying to convince myself it didn't matter...but well with me things like that matter....I hate the feeling of going backwards! I have no one to blame but myself....so I decided that well guess what honey you made the decision so it's time for you to be smart and make some new goals based on where you are at!

I started out with a run earlier this week to see where I might be at....I set a goal for mileage...and then a goal for a nice little track workout in the middle of the run! This is where it really really started to suck for me! I missed my goal by 30sec. I worked my heart out on that track...so I thought.....left some pride and the contents of my stomach out there on that track.....and I fell short...but that was what this workout was all about...finding out where I truly am now....Next up a nice little run pushing the kids....I've been avoiding pushing them in the jogger lately due to some shoulder pain that I've been dealing with....but I figured you know what you better get out there and do it! So I did and well I did better than I thought I was going too! And then my favorite part of the week! Well I headed out to run on the treadmill at 8pm....UGH! I hate doing it but it was the time I had avail. So I made the best of it....I decided to really really push and work harder than I thought was possible....Well I did and it turns out that maybe I didn't work my heart out on that track! Because I hit my goal pace that I had wanted on that track workout and then I passed it up by 30 sec.! When I finished I stood there on that treadmill and thanked my body for what it has done in the last year....I thanked myself for the break....I thanked friends who have stood by me and encouraged me! I thanked my former coach for all that she taught me...and for teaching me how to hang on and push! If you are reading this Ange? Thank you for all that you taught me and for being such an inspiration!

So here I stand thankful and ready to do this race....I still don't know if I will get the PR that I'm hoping for....but I'm fired up and ready to try!

Lulu

2010-09-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

Burnout...Or Disillusionment....

I don't know what happened...About 2 months ago, I was going along and everything was ok...good even....and then it hit me like a ton of bricks....I needed a break....I didn't have it in me! I was worn out and not enjoying this thing that had brought me SOOOO much joy.....It felt like work....A job that I didn't want to drag myself too....A job that I wasn't present at even when I was there! Some things had been going on at home that were less than wonderful....and that had me thinking too....So I changed some things...I took the break....way longer than I probably needed....I reevaluated me....life...the wife that I am....motherhood....I'm happier now....still quietly thinking about some things....but I hope that the time that I have taken works....I'm back and I'm ready to hit this thing again....maybe with a little more balance this time....but still I'm ready! So hopefully I'll be back here too...and I think like all other things in my life this blog will become a little more well rounded and include other aspects of life not just my athletic journey! So here's to being well rested...happy....and ready to go again! Lulu

2010-07-18T18:48:00.001-07:00

Road Kill And The Shivers

I had a long run scheduled for me yesterday on TP....and I also had my husband wanting to run with me....which means the kids come...which means pushing the kids in the jogger....UGH! They are getting sooooo heavy! And oh my gosh the wind was blowing like nobodies business....Oh well suck it up and lets go! So we headed out armed with strawberry yogurt cheerios and juice for the kids...water and a gel for me....

We did the trail in town...without much ado....a little less whining from the kids than usual....which is always a welcome reprieve....Before we got back to the car I asked J if it would be ok if he took the kids back home and then I ran the rest of the way home instead of driving home with him....He agreed that that would work just fine for him....So off I went....I cranked the Ipod and was ready to enjoy some well not so quiet "quiet" alone time! The first mile flew by and I felt great! Then the next mile happened....SUN SUN and more SUN! Burning bright scorching SUN! I started noticing that I was not feeling so great about 1/2 way through this mile...I was concentrating more on my feet then where I was going...Thus the road kill! I have noticed in all my training that I pass a tremendous amount of road kill! And today had to have been the record! ICK!

At the beginning of my next mile I started to notice just how hot my head was feeling....Hot I mean blow up and pop hot! There was no shade and man was it hot hot hot sun! I started to beg the wind to blow my direction! It of course did and Ahhhhh it felt great every time it did! Then I experienced one of the oddest sensations....while my head felt like it was going to explode I felt my entire body break out in goose bumps....middle of the winter freezing to death goosebumps! What was this all about.....Then I felt a little light headed....and then it went away.....a little bit later....it came back....Man did I want to just get home!

I plugged along and before I knew it I was home and I was sooooo happy to be there! Long run done! Completed! In the bank! I headed straight for water...then I headed straight to the bathroom for a ice bath!

The ice bath had to have been the sweetest ice bath ever! I filled my tub with the water got in and started to adjust to the water....I had brought my bag of ice and set it right next to the bathtub ready to dump in....Well Isobel decided that I had adjusted quite long enough and started to add the ice for me! Before each piece of ice she would get this little grin and say...."Mum get ready now....this ice is pretty cold!" Kam joined the party and instead of adding the ice he was fishing ice out and cooling himself.

My legs did a little protesting through the afternoon...but are feeling much better today! Hoping to never feel like I did on a run again....but I made it and all was well in the end.

Lulu

2010-07-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

On A Mission!

I finished a 5k earlier this morning....with a PR but not the PR that I want....And now I'm on a mission....I want more! I know I can do it! I can feel it! While I was on my way home I had some thoughts of I don't think I have a whole lot more in me than what I did today....but then I remembered....if I learned anything from this whole experience it is that I can do things that I don't think that I really can do! So I'm going to do it! I'm tracking down the PR that I want by the end of the season! I'm going to do it!

I didn't plan on this 5k I had heard about it....but I've been laying low with the races or even talk of races with my husband....My friend Becky brought the race up at the beginning of the week and asked me if I would go with her....soooo I bit the bullet and brought it up to my husband....he wasn't all excited about it but didn't seem to upset about the idea either so I registered....I totally screwed my training log for the week...but since I have no specific races that I'm heading for at this point I'm not too upset about it.....

I slept great last night and woke up before the alarm....quite awake actually! Amazing what a good nights sleep will do! I got up and got ready....I had decided that I would be running with the Garmin but without the HR monitor....it held me back at the last race....J asked me so you going to win this thing....? HAHAHAHA!!! HA! You're soooo funny dear! No but I was going to do better than I did last time....and I was going to be mentally tough!

And be mentally tough is exactly what I was! For me that is! I didn't listen to myself....in fact I don't think there was even too much that I was saying to myself today! BIG HUGE deal for me! So while I want 45 sec to 1 min faster than what I did.....I still accomplished a PR and that is good enough for me today! I'm happy! Yes I still want more...but I'm really happy with my brain being a little quieter while I was running and for experiencing mental toughness today! Now next time....I'm going to hurt and then make it hurt even more!

Lulu

2010-07-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

I Want I Need....Well no...I Just Want....

Are these not just the cutest shoes ever!

I know the season for shorts is 1/2 way gone but I have to have these for the last 1/2 of shorts weather!

And won't this be perfect to toss on the top as it gets a little chillier?

I'm going to be needing some longer pants as the cooler weather sets in...and they coordinate perfectly with the above jacket!

And then as it gets even colder.... yet longer pants .... and once again perfect coordination!

Back to less cool weather....

I know a little cool for the above pants...but a perfect match none the less.....

I could live in this all winter....

With these of course!

And well this I just love!

And well this is even better! Couldn't go shopping without something for my little ones.....Because they definitely need something to wear to my next tri whenever that may be!

So what are the chances of all my carefully thought out choices getting purchased....Not the best....Probably won't get anything....but it was fun to shop! I will be ending up with something very close to this in the super near future though!

Clearly I'm in the mood to shop....(which doesn't happen often), So I think I'm going to go and clean some instead! Lulu

2010-07-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Napoleon Triathlon Challenge...

My First Triathlon!

Wow it's been a long 11 months leading up to this one event! A long 11 months of workouts....some twice or even three times a day!....A long 11 months of sore muscles....A long 11 months of questioning myself....And now it's here and over with! I can say that I've learned a tremendous amount of things about myself...big and small.....and those 11 months have made me a stronger better person than I have ever been!

I spent the week leading up to the tri wondering what on earth was wrong with me....I wasn't nervous...I was sleeping....SOOOOO unlike me! I'm a total worrier...always have been....I must say that I come by that one quite naturally....I am my grandmother's granddaughter through and through! I finally decided that I must not be worrying because I was totally ready for this...I had put in alot of training hours and I could do this.....

Huh WELL......then I drove the course.....stupidly the day before....I know I should have done it before....I don't even have the excuse that it was too far away it's a few minutes from the house.....I was scared now......I'm sure that I've mentioned living in NW Ohio that there aren't any hills in our area....NO HILLS! That is what I trained on...that is what I expected...and that was what I was ready for....SURPRISE! The next town over has hills....and I'm not talking the little grades that I'm used to I mean "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WOW THAT WAS A HILL!!!!!" hills! I was really really scared....I was sure that there was no way that I could do this....Now I was clinging to the fact that I just want to finish this thing....

I went out for my little teeny tiney brick to get warmed up and check out the equipment....and I decided that I would see what I could do! I went the way that I knew offered the most elevation....they are little grades....not hills....not even close....but I needed to know that I could totally crush those and be ok....And well I did! I felt so much better! I got home and found an email from my coach telling me, "Oh you will be ok!!!!! Just don't be intimidated..it's a hill 4 everyone. Shift into your easiest gear and just get over it.....it's just a piece of road :)" I know the just get over it meant to get over the hill.....but I took it as "GET OVER IT!" And it was the best advice ever! I spent a quiet evening getting things all set and packed and the nervousness was gone! YAY!

The next morning after a surprisingly good night's sleep we got everyone up and ready and was off.....We got there and I went to get marked while J got my bike together for me, (still not nervous)....I set up the transition area soooo carefully.....(still not nervous)....walked around....(still not nervous)....Then I heard my friend Jen! Oh my goodness! She had said she was coming and I had told her not to! She just had a baby a couple of weeks ago....the last thing she needed was an early morning and standing around waiting for me! But I have to say it was incredible to have her there! Race meeting (still not nervous).....Line up for the swim....(still not nervous)....Wait forever to get in the water! (still not nervous)...I even found myself telling the girls behind me that it's ok it's just a swim go do your best! Have fun! Seriously did that come out of my mouth!!!!

THE SWIM

So the swim...totally not my strongest portion....I wasn't too nervous about anyone hitting me...so imagine my surprise when I felt someone grab my ankle....not touch but grab and then PULL! She pulled so hard that she pulled me backwards in the water managing to undo my time chip device! I was totally surprised but surprisingly not scared by the whole thing.....We were almost at the end of the 1st lane so I just grabbed my time chip put it back on and kept going.....I had a plan...I would swim a lap take a couple of seconds....and swim another.....I had a plan and I followed it! I was proud of myself....not a great time in the water but Hell I swam it! Which is way more then I would have ever expected to do! And for that matter more than I can say most others did....I was so shocked to see so many people instead of pausing to catch their breath they literally walked the entire swim! (the pool is all shallow....allowing them to walk). The best part of my swim was hearing the kids and J cheer every time I got to the end where they were! It was amazing! At one point Isobel said, "Hey Mum you need some milk?" and offered me her sippy cup! That one got quite a few laughs around the whole pool!

THE BIKE!!!!

I was so proud of my transitions that day.....They were organized and relatively quick and I passed a ton of people in the transition areas! Only one minor freak out in T1.....I got out dumped baby powder on the feet and started to put my socks on....my SOCK! Where the F is my SOCK!!!!! I only had one sock....Oh well....put it on the foot with the orthotic in the shoe.....I found the other one off my towel....as I was getting that first sock on...(someone must have bumped it). I was off and out there! Dreading the hills a little but ready to go! Before I knew it I was at the first and the biggest of the hills that I would see that day! I shifted down....and I attacked it! I was up it and not out of breathe or tired at all!!!! Damn I CAN do this! I rode that course with purpose and a drive that I didn't know that I had! I never slowed up....or backed off....If I went down I hill I shifted and pedaled even faster! I went up a hill and I shifted and tried to keep my cadence as close to what I'd been riding at as I could! I totally had a blast! I was so not expecting that! It was fun! FUN FUN?!

THE RUN....

Well the transition went great! I felt good and I smiled at everyone that encouraged me! I felt so excited that I don't even think I thought about this is the last part! I started out really good and thought man if I can hold this it would be great! Well I couldn't I started to feel like I was going to lose my cookies! Wow never felt like that while I was running I've had cramps but never ever have I thought that I was going to vomit while I was running....maybe at the end of a race but never during! I kept going and then the feeling passed thank GOD! Before too long though I started to feel this strange cramp across my shoulder, collarbone, and going down my arm....I decided that maybe I should slow it down a little....UGH! I shouldn't have....because I know once I slow it down that I never get it back! I kept going....and that is about all I can say for the run....I kept going.....I had 1 really interesting thing happen out there on the run and 1 not so pleasant experience....The not so pleasant? There was a water turn around 1/2 way on the run.....I decided before I got there that I would grab 2 cups of water....one to sip and one to drench myself with.....As I approached the water area I noticed the woman had 2 but she was standing in such a way that I would only be able to get 1....I asked her could I have 2 cups please? She looks at me like I'm a complete moron and says...."Uh Why?" I had so many things go through my head....and what came out was definitely not my shining moment of sweetness...."Uh....Seriously!? BECAUSE I WANT TWO FRIGGING CUPS OF WATER!!!!!!!" She looks at me shrugs and says.... "uh ok" I quickly shrugged off the incident and headed back..... The really interesting thing? I was running back and I had the same older guy behind me that had been behind me the whole way....He came up next to me and said..."Hey you think that I can do this thing....?" I looked at him and said "ABSOLUTELY!!!! I'm not going that quick let's stick together! Let's finish this thing!" As I looked at him I thought that I recognized him but wasn't quite sure.....Then it dawned on me! MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER! "Oh MY GOD are you Mr Schumm?" He looked at me a little confused and said Yeah....? "Oh my goodness I'm Laura! The pregnant girl that had her C-section the day after your final a couple of years ago!" He starts laughing and says "No way! Don't take this the wrong way.....but you look alot different then you did then!" "Well I would think so! I was on partial bed rest and well extreeeeemmmley pregnant at that point!" It was so good to see him and show off the outcome of that pregnancy when we were all done! Never would have expected to see him there!

After I finished running with Mr. Schumm I started thinking about this whole thing....Oh my god I'm doing it I'm almost done with A TRIATHLON!!!! I started thinking about what I was running back too....my little girl who was going to finish it with me....my crazy little boy....my husband who cheers really loud by the way!....and some of the most amazing friends that I could ever have! I had done this thing...I had put in the hours! I had sweat....cried.....laughed at myself....and conquered some major fears on the way to this! And now I was just a tiny bit away from making it happen...I almost wanted to go slower just to make it last a little longer! I didn't.... I powered my way up that last hill and noticed that J had come out to yell and run a few steps with me! Wow am I lucky sometimes!

As I turned the last corner I saw Jen and Kam.....Jenny....Kaitlyn.....and Sam....I kept looking for Belle....and there she was! "Come on Honey finish this thing with Mum!" And finish it we did!

I highly recommend this to anyone and everyone! It's not just a sport! It's not just about fitness....it's about finding out who you are and what you can do! And the best part! It's about finding out that you can do things that you didn't even think you could do!

The sweetest thing said to me that day? That goes to Jenny! "You inspire me! You inspire me to be a better person Lulu!" Let's just say some tears followed that one!

Lulu

2010-07-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

A Triathlete!
So it has been one full week since I had my mini meltdown about how there was NOOOOO way that I could do this....and well I did! I totally did it! I'm a triathlete! Not the fastest triathlete...but a successful one! I've gone through an impressive series of emotions in the last week since completing my very first triathlon....I've felt like rockstar! I've felt like I'm such a lucky wife and mother, I've felt like a conqueror, I've felt like a slow poke, I've felt like I've reached the end of life as I have known it for the last year, I've felt unrest, I've felt anxious, I've felt lost....and now I'm finally feeling like I'm ok...I did what I wanted...and well now I just want to do more....but that will have to wait for awhile....So as someone that has helped me so much said to me....I'm going to savor this and tuck it away!

Here is my journey coming to a fruition in pictures.....

J insisted that he needed a pic in the early morning sunlight before the race.....

A quick pic with my not so much of a morning girl....

Me waiting my turn to hop in.....(7th or 8th one from the left in a blue swim cap)

Transition #1

Heading out on the bike course

Heading out for my run and messing with that dang Garmin....

The best part of the day! Finishing with my baby Girl!

Getting hugs from my little man!

Laughing about it all with the absolute best friends out there!

A triathlete and the best cheering crowd that a girl could ever have!

I have a alot of catching up to do with a race report....and of course some goals for what is next!

Lulu

2010-06-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

Am I Strong?????
I've been struggling and didn't even know it! I have had some trouble of late feeling like I nailed my workouts even when I cam pretty close to nailing them! I don't know what brought this on, but I'm sure ready for it to make it's exit from my life...um....like right now! I seriously don't have time for this right now!
I think it really started when I had the bike ride from hell outside....see I live here in NW Ohio....and while yes the wind does blow other places that I've lived....it's nothing like this, (well except maybe the coast of Maine...on a windy day)! When the wind blows in most places there is a little break when it hits a hill....or a tree....Well here there is nothing for it to hit....the county roads are ruthless! I went out on this fateful bike ride with high hopes...it was going to be a good ride...and it was until I turned around...then I swear that damn wind was blowing in two directions! I felt like I was in a little cyclone with no where to hide! And the best part? There was absolutely no way to get home without sucking it up and heading straight into it! I tried to remember my coaches advice of just put your head down and don't fight it! Well if I don't fight it then I will sit still! It was a long long ride home! Each inch was a hard fought battle! And each inch home I had one negative thought after another attacking me! I didn't even try to fight those thoughts after a few inches! And that made the ride even longer....
Well I thought that I chalked it up to the wind and that it was just one bad ride....but I think that I gave those negative thoughts freedom to seep into all my workouts....even my last race which while I did ok....it wasn't what I wanted....
In my head it goes something like this.....You can do it....No you can't.....It hurts.....This sucks.....You can do this!.....Ugh I don't want to.....You have been doing good.....It's ok.....You can slow down......No you can't.....If you do then you won't get what you want.....Suck it up......Ugh.....Oh well there it goes......I'm starting to feel like a Schizo is living in my head!! While some of the talk going on in there is positive...I want to know why that positive talk is not winning!
So I tried examining what is going on with the help of my coach....and I think that it is a combo of things. I think that I'm afraid that I'm going to get hurt....It's happened in the past. I pushed when I thought that I could and I injured and sidelined myself. I hate being sidelined! HATE IT! So now I feel every little twinge and ache and pain. And then I over analyze it....and then I decide that I'm going to fall apart! So I stop. Another reason....Maybe I'm just not that confident in myself and what my body can do! Which is so freakin stupid. I mean look at what I've done in the last year. I went from nothing to one pretty fit woman! So why would I think that I can't do it!? So I don't know exactly what the answer is except for to continue with the positive chatter in my head and try to scream that over the top of the other crap! I'm going to keep telling myself this over and over "Don’t ask to be believed in. No one can believe in something that is hollow and has nothing to stand on. Believe in something solid and you will in fact learn to fly." I need to believe and find what is inside me....not just for this race but for everything!
My coach also brought up the fact that I need to let go of any time restraints that I'm setting up for myself. This is my first Triathlon and I need to treat it like that instead of thinking that I can go out there and place in this thing! I need to find the joy in it and embrace and soak that feeling into every part of my body! As she pointed out this race does not define you. I think that I've put so much into this race and that I've found so much of myself through this process that I have started to let this race define me. This race is not me...It will not prove that I'm strong! It will just be one of the many little things in my life that makes up part of me and is maybe an outward showing that I'm strong....but it won't prove that....Because I already know that I'm strong....I always have been....and I will still be regardless of the outcome of this race! So a big thank-you goes out to Ange for making me think once again! Oh and the answer to that question? YES I AM STRONG! Lulu

2010-05-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

Die Another Day....
I set out for my brick the other day thinking that this is going to be so much fun! I'm so excited to get outside and ride....I have a gorgeous day for it! Yayayayay! And it was....Fun! The ride went ok....not as good as I would have liked....but I was just a bit off from where I would like to be time wise...and for the most part I felt pretty good. I rode along pretty steady....I did have a bit of trouble keeping my cadence up as high as I was supposed to but I thought....you know I just need to get a few more rides in outside...and it will come....
I was doing an out and back ride....I've found that if I ride straight out on the road that I live on that I don't have much traffic to deal with...and that even though I have quite a few stop signs that I can usually see really good both ways and sail right through them. I reached my turn around...and back I went....still feeling really good....rode for a few more miles....and then it happened....I felt a solid little thump on my helmet....hmmmm....that must have been a large fly? Then I started to hear a unmistakable buzzing! OH MY GOD NOOOOONOOOO!!!!! I slammed on the brakes and hopped off the bike and was unsnapping that helmet really really quick! Not quick enough though.....I felt the stinging pain of a extremely unhappy honey bee. I now had the helmet off....and was hoping that the bee would just fall off and be done with me....NOPE! He was stuck in my hair and seemed to be burying himself even more! I must have looked like a completely totally insane person....hitting myself in the head...and ripping through my hair....OUCH! Now that that was done back to biking home...I had a run to do!
Off I went again....praying that I wouldn't encounter any more insects....About 2 miles from home I glanced up to see a huge billowing cloud of dust headed my way....Oh great.....We are in the middle of planting season here in Northwest Ohio and a farmer was driving along at about 30-40 mph through his dust bowl of a field....I thought no big deal I'll just speed it up and hold my breath till I get through the cloud....Then I noticed the smell of ammonia! He was not just causing a storm of dirt but he was spraying....UGH! One of the many reasons that I hate Ohio...I know I chose to live here! Completely my fault! But really I can't wait to move! So here I am out being all healthy and biking and well there is nothing like inhaling ammonia while exercising! How ironic huh?
Then I was home! Yay! Hurry get changed and head back out! I grabbed some water...pulled my hat on and off I went. I was surprised....I didn't expect to feel my legs so wobbly. I have felt a little rubbery before heading out...but this was different. I felt like I had nothing under me....I usually find that my legs move a little faster off the bike and that I have trouble slowing down....instead I felt like I couldn't get them moving the more I tried the more I hurt...and the more I felt myself gasping for air....I thought, no big deal I'll just keep plugging along and it will quit after a 1/2 a mile to a mile....instead I found myself fighting to stay running....I was out....all out! I had nothing left to give....so long 9 min miles that I was supposed to be doing....I found myself clinging to a 10 min. mile not very successfully at that....The only time that I did come close to that 9 min mile? I had a very angry black lab snarling at me! That did it I found a little extra left in me....and then I almost gave up! I had been stung....inhaled things I shouldn't have....and now I have a dog trying to kill me! I found way too many negative thoughts of how do I do this....I won't be able to do a tri...I mean if I can't even bike and run....hahaha let's add a swim onto this! What are you thinking! It's going to be even hotter in July! I tried to stop the thoughts....wasn't very successful....and then I started to hear Madonna's Die Another Day...."I going to wake up! I'm going to close my body now! I guess I'll die another day...another day! I think I'll find another way! I'm going to suspend my senses!" My knees weren't hurting...I wasn't doing any damage....I was just sore and tired....and that was ok....I needed to shut my body up and mostly shut up my head! I realized that I am expecting to do this without feeling like it's hard...and it's not going to happen! I need to close my body and close my mind and put my head down and hurt!
While I'm glad that my day off is coming....and my recovery week is coming....and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.... I'm ready to wake up, close my body, find another way, suspend my senses, and die another day....July 4th is looking like a good day for that right now...(my tri is the 3rd). So here goes another month of really hard work and fighting for what I started fighting for many months ago! I'm looking forward to showing my next brick what I'm really made of! Lulu

2010-05-20T11:51:00.001-07:00

A Full Heart....(Part 2)

I was soooo glad to hear that my little Belle was feeling better! And she was rearing to go! We headed toward the start line...and we waited...and waited and waited...I explained to Belle that I wanted to hold her when the race first started so that she wouldn't get knocked down...she agreed...but with a little bit of a frown...

And there is the frown!

I was surprised at how fast the crowd cleared out once they started us...I was able to get Belle down and running really quickly...She trucked and trucked. Before long we caught up with her little friend Kaitlyn....They decided that they were going to hold hands...So off we went Kaitlyn, Isobel, and me! We ran through the Monkey area and got to see a couple of monkeys showing off their climbing skills....I pointed them out to Belle...she said, "I know Mum I'm running, I gotta go!" Then we ran through the gardens....I pointed out the the pretty roses, "I runnin Mum!" We rounded the last corner...J was waiting for us snapping pics....I was able to get Isobel to notice him and she yelled, "Hey look Baba I'm RUNNING!"

Waving to Baba

I pointed toward the finish line...and Belle looked at me and says, "Mum I can't run faster...." I couldn't believe it! I was shocked that she thought that she had to run faster at the end....I assured her that she was running plenty fast enough and that she was doing the best job ever!!!! We crossed the finish line at 11:28! My baby did her first race! I can't believe it! My heart is so full with that little girl!

Right after we crossed the line they were handing out ribbons....They started to hand one to Belle and she smiled and shook her head..."I didn't win...." We both smiled and told her that she did her first race so she gets a ribbon!

After she finally agreed to take the ribbon we headed back to see her Baba! We got lots of hugs and cheers from our friends and Baba! I have to say that it was one of the best days that I've had with my little baby girl! I was so proud of her! I can't wait till we run more together!

Showing off the ribbon!

Oh and the next day! We had to take her to the park so that she could practice her running for the next race! I love you so much Honey Belle! Mum

2010-05-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

A Full Heart...(part 1)

My heart is so incredibly full with pride for my sweet little girl! I can't even express it! I've been planning on doing a 1k with my little girl for months now...and the time finally arrived...I had originally planned to run my 5k first and then to run with her...Then I decided not to run the 5k and just do the 1k with Belle...but just in case you think you might be following me...I then decided to run the 5k with a dear friend of mine doing her first 5k....(I wouldn't be racing just jogging along with her to encourage, so my knee would hopefully be just fine.)
Isobel and I went to pick up our race packets the night before the race just her and I....We got there and Wow was that girl excited and wired....The packet pickup was held at a local running store....so while I was waiting in line Belle found a shoe mirror....I look down and there she is on her hands and knees with her face about 3 inches from the mirror growling out..."I'm gonna run...I'm gonna run fast....I'm gonna ruuuunnnnn!" Like I said beyond wound up! I quietly tell her to stay with me and no more growling in mirrors....she says "Okay Mum Sorry!" Just when I think we are going to get out before any more little displays....We were checking out...and the sales guy says...."Hey there how are you!?" My little girl, my sweet little girl looks at him....wrinkles up her nose and says, "I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run run run! and I'm going to beat you!!! GRrrrrr!" Wow who took my little girl and brought back this little running monster!?
So later that night we had fun setting out our race numbers...and going though our list of things we needed....During which time Belle reminded me like 50 times that we needed to bring her runnin shoes.....
Race morning arrived....bright and early....Got myself already and then I headed upstairs to get the little running monster....When I first opened her door she snuggled deep down in the blankets...and then it was like a light bulb popped on....she was up and jumping on the bed..."I got to run...let's get my shoes!" We headed down got dressed and then ate just a bit of cereal....Got everyone else ready and then off we went!
The drive down was a little confusing with all the roads that were closed around the zoo....but we eventually got turned around the right way and Isobel says..."Mum Oh NO!" I turn around and she is acting like she had an accident....which she hasn't forever now...so of course I don't travel with any extra pants....UGH! We quickly find out that she is sick to her stomach....I start thinking oh no let's just go home...she starts crying and saying that no she doesn't want to run...I looked at J and he says...no we are down here and here we are at the start line...so you are going to go and run with Becky....I'll take care of the kids...just go and find Becky....I felt awful....I didn't want to run with Belle like this....I headed out to find Becky anyways.... found her got her all ready with her number and we headed to the start line.....we met up with J and the kids....Belle was looking much better....and said she was feeling good....My mind was definitely at ease after that! What a relief!

Here is Becky and I heading toward the start line....

Becky and I stood there for what seemed like forever....we chatted....we laughed....and I soaked it all in! I vowed that after my 1/2 that I would be there I mean really really be there every race I attend....I would absorb the energy and the crowd...and I did....I noticed that the atmoshpere was oh so very different than the 1/2....people we having fun...they had their friends there....there was definitely still a few that were very focused...but it was for fun...it wasn't' "let's get this shit done and over with" attitude that I noticed at the 1/2. Soon enough the horn sounded and it was time to RUN! I totally forgot my garmin....so I told Becky to just do what felt good....and then go a little slower than that....I haven't run with her much lately so I didn't know what to expect....I knew that she had been sick this last week....so I knew that that would have an affect on her too.....
We ran along at a pretty decent pace for quite awhile....I felt great I was so incredibly happy to be running and I felt so great! I heard someone say that we were going at about 9:45 pace....Whoa! SLOW IT DOWN Becky! So we did and things went along great for quite awhile.....around 1 1/4 miles I noticed that she was breathing pretty hard....Let's take it down again...we did and she was able to get her breathing under control...and then we were at the water station....1/2 way there.....After the water station I was shocked at the hills....we are in the flattest region of NW Ohio so it is a huge shock to see a little grade in the road...and these were not a grade in the road hills...these were decent little hills....It seemed like they just kept going after that......
Through the last 3/4 of a mile there were a lot of spectators....and I loved every minute of it....Even better Becky did too....we passed a family that was cheering so loud...and their little girl ran over and high 5'd Becky.....She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Now I want to run!" She popped in ear ipod and started to really run along again...jamming out for the rest of the way.... "Just dance" "PapaPapa razzi" she totally cracked me up!
I had asked her if she wanted to sprint at the end or just keep going at our pace.....she looked at me like I was totally crazy and said, "are you kidding me....I think I'll do well if I'm still running!" As we rounded the last corner....we passed a woman that screamed at us, "HIT IT NOW!!!!" And wow did Becky hit it! She took off! So sprint we did to the finish! I'm sooooo proud of and happy for her! Can't wait to run with you again girl!!!!

Here we are finishing....we are the the 2 smiling right in the middle
Once again the 2 laughing right in the middle....

I think the biggest thing I got out of this weekend is that there were 3 people there running....That I bugged the living day lights out to start running! They went from no running to 5k's and one even did the 1/2 with me! So I guess if I get nothing out of this little journey then at least I encouraged 3 people to get out there! Yayyayayay! Thanks for running with me Becky! Greg! and Jenny!!!!

We Headed over to the kids....Becky caught her breath and waited for the kids 1k to start...Belle informed me that she was feeling MUCH better and wanted to run! So that is it for Part 1 of a full heart...I think Belle will get her own post later.....A proud Mum and Friend....

2010-05-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

New Swimming Progress....
I read through my training log, and it jumped out and scared me! Swim a whole 100 yards straight!!!! I sat there and thought oh god I can't....I'll be too tired...I'll run out of air....And then it hit me....you know what I had all those excuses not to long ago about swimming period...and then I had all those excuses again about swimming down to the deep end...and then again when I actually put my face in the water! Excuses! Stupid little things! Well I did what I've done with all those excuses in the past...I looked my fears right in the face and said I just don't give a damn! I followed the plan....I just jumped in the water that night like any other....and I got busy! And then progress happened again! I did it I swam a whole 100 yards! And while I was tired, I realized that I need to learn when to push myself a little more because I could have done that a long time ago! I thought for sure that I would be taking just a few extra minutes for a breather following that 100...but you know what I didn't need it...in fact I felt stronger after I did it than before! Lesson learned....push yourself....even before you think that you can....because you can and it will just set you free and make you that much stronger! Lulu

2010-05-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

The Last Couple of Weeks...

So this last couple of weeks is not what I wanted...not what I expected...I was fired up...I was ready to hit it...and hit it with a vengeance! Well that was not to be...after my first little run after the 1/2 I felt a little twinge in my knee...that little twinge has gone from a twinge to a very sore knee...A knee that protested every time I sat down, stood up, or went down the stairs....So no running! So I decided that this was my fault...I wasn't ready to do what I asked myself to do with the distance of the 1/2....and that since it was my fault that I was going to do everything I could to repay my poor knees back....So I did...but in the meanwhile...my heart just wasn't in it...I dreaded the workouts...even my swimming...which is not like me. I mean sometimes it is hard to get out the door after I finally get everything done and get the kids to bed...but it is a welcome relief once I slid into the water and I get time to be alone with me and my thoughts...just me and the water, but that isn't how I felt...I dreaded it! I've really really struggled with not being mad, frustrated, and just ugh...mad! I've struggled with whether I'm just wanting to get back to what I want to be doing....or if I really just don't like doing this....I have given myself pep talks about how lucky I am to be able to do what I'm doing, and that this all part of taking care of myself to do what I'm doing....I've told myself how much I love love love this new life that I've so carefully carved out for myself....I am proud to say that I am very close to coming out of this little funk...and I hope that it made me stronger...I've done the workouts...I've put them in the bank...and so physically I'm stronger...but I really hope that I've learned what I needed to out of this...I'm looking forward to this next week even if it is a little different than what I would like to be doing...but I will continue to push through this...hopefully with a more cheerful attitude this week! I did have the most incredible experience this weekend that I can't wait to write about though...and I think that experience is what it really is all about! Lulu

2010-05-04T06:15:00.001-07:00

I Will Not....
I will not get mad at my body....I will not get frustrated....I will not push it....
I will take the time that is needed to repair the little damages that I caused this body to feel...and to go through! I will ice....I will baby....I will listen too....I will take care of this body that just so recently allowed me to do something that I wanted to accomplish! And then watch out because I will challenge you again! Lulu

2010-05-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

So Happy So So Happy!
I'm soooo soooo happy to be back....I am officially done with the crabby! I'm officially feeling like a rockstar! I'm officially super proud of myself that I ran a 1/2 MARATHON! And I'm sooooo super happy looking at my training log all filled up for this next week! I am still feeling just a few reminders of the run from exactly one week ago today....but I can't wait to get going and rock it this next week! Back to running....(even a nice long run scheduled for next Sun.) Back to swimming! Back to biking and out on the road this time!
As I'm writing this I'm really surprised how much my mindset has changed in the last year....in the last few months even...and I hope that it continues to grow....I found this quote not to too long ago and it really just hit something...."I have a passion that burns through my veins. A passion for a sprot that no one else will ever undertand besides those that share the same deep possion. We only live once, so you might as well live life to the fullest!" It's fun to have a passion...something that pushes me when I feel on fire about it and even when I don't feel so on fire!

I had my first run yesterday.... I was surprised at how good I felt .... Yes the knees were a little tender....but not bad....And I have to say I was shocked at the fact that my toe was not flaming with pain! Didn't really even notice it! It was a short run...J was going to run with me and then decided that he had a sore throat a 1/2 a mile into it....so he took the jogger with the kids to the park....I love running with the kids....but I have to say it felt good to just run the way I wanted to yesterday! So I ran my 2 miles...I had permission to do 3 if I felt super good...which I did....but I decided that I would get back to the playground and have a little fun with the kids before naptime....I came back to find them both engrossed with a little toad who at that point was a little less than impressed with them! Belle then showed off her awesome balance beam talents by walking around the perimeter of the playground.....and also showed off her hanging tricks on the bars! I'm so stinking proud of her! Kam not to be outdone showed off his skills....terrorizing the toad....squishing bugs....and tearing apart everything in his path! It's a good thing the boy is too stinking cute for his own good!
I thought that I would include a shot or two of some memories from my big day....

First here is the battle scar of the day.....Here is Mum and her medal with the 2 little Munkins!

And here is "just the girls" Belle decided she wanted one of just us and said,"Please Mum I'll smile pretty!"

I'm super excited for this week.....lots of family time coming this way and a good schedule on the log! Bring it on! I'm ready to tear it up this month! Lulu

2010-04-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

Now What?

So I finished a really big thing....So I should be floating on cloud nine...and feeling like a rockstar right?! Well I have my moments....but mostly I've felt a little lost without my normal fit everything in schedule....Ange has given me a few days to get back on my feet from the 1/2 which my body wasn't exactly ready for....So I had dreams and illusions of having the house all perfectly pulled together, some extra yard work done....you know things that sometimes get squeezed out while trying to fit in that bike ride, run, or the evening swim....Well this has not been the case....I've found myself wandering around feeling crabby....I mean CRABBY! I gave myself time to deal with that and now it's done...done and over with.....I'm going to leave it behind along with whatever brought it on! I'm going to celebrate what I did! I'm going to be amazed at how much my body has let me do in such a short time! I'm going to be thankful for getting to do it and the people that helped me get there! I'm going to be thankful for everyday that I get to spend with my incredible kids, (no matter how my times I have to answer the question WHY Mum?). So today is a new day! So I wanted to take a minute to jot down a couple of things that I learned from my first 1/2....

Calm down it's going to be ok....Somehow I think this one is going to be hard to do...nervous Nelly that I am....

Be there...I mean really be there....soak it all up.....

Get out of my head.....Shut off the brain and feel it!.....

Smile! As much evidenced in the pictures....I need to smile....express on the outside what I'm feeling inside....

Celebrate everything about the day!

Take more pictures!

Feel like a complete AMAZING ROCKSTAR at I finish!

And remember to threaten my husband to be there no matter what and bring my kids so that I can have someone there to get a hug from at the end!

I was so in my own little world that I totally missed Greg and Jenny cheering for me at the finish line :(

So I'm off to enjoy my enjoy my sunshiney day with my awesome little kids! Lulu

2010-04-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

13.1 That's Right....13.1
Half Marathon Runner
So I obviously missed putting a lot of good thought down on paper here....I decided a couple of weeks ago I just really really wanted to do the 1/2 that I had previously decided that I didn't want to do....I know I have serious problems with indecision and changing my mind! And I have this amazing coach that is just the best with making me feel like that is ok....but I know I would be frustrated with myself...so I can only imagine the spot she is in! :) I'm going to put my race experience down before things start to fade and then I'm going to try to do some back tracking to get some of those other feelings down that I've been feeling the last couple of weeks so that I can learn and become better from those thoughts...emotions...and experiences leading up to the biggest race that I've done thus far! But for now I'd better get this out before I forget....So yesterday was the big day....Absolutely no sleep the night before.... Did you know how long the night really is when you lay there awake! Wow it was a really really long long night! I finally gave up at 4:20 am and just turned the alarm off....I downed my cereal wanting to get that in as early as I could...and then cliff bar.....During this time my husband thought that he would capitalize on some good study time....sat there in total amazement and a look of slight discomfort just watching me eat....I couldn't tell you how many times he stated...Seriously how can you eat at this time....To which I replied....it's what I've got to do.... I really felt like I was on auto pilot and I was just going through checking off one thing at a time, while all the time my stomach was twisting itself into tighter and tighter knots! Before I knew it my friends who so incredibly kindly offered to let me ride down to the race with them arrived.....The closer we got the event the more twisted my stomach became...at one point I thought oh boy this is not good I really don't need to be sick before the race! When we parked Jen turned around and looked at me and said "You know what Laura? I really can't imagine how you're feeling....but I know you can do this! You know you can do this! And this is just a Sunday run....well one with alot of people.....but you just go out there and have fun!" Oh my god thank-you Jenny! I felt great the stomach started to unravel itself and I was able to make a quick run to the potty, get my gel in and move to the starting line.....I stood there surrounded my literally thousands of people. Surprisingly it wasn't that loud....We listened to instructions that we had heard before...listened to the National Anthem...by here's some major props....one of the runners running the marathon! And then the gun! We stood still and then after a minute we started to walk...and then after another minute some started to jog, well sort of, kinda looked like they were going in place...and then maybe about 5 minutes after the gun I crossed the start mats....Once we got across we did actually start moving along not that quick but that was good that's what I wanted....a nice easy warm up....
Mile 1 9:58 The first 1/2-3/4 of a mile went good...felt like I was moving right along with everyone...and then I started to feel like alot of people were leaving me...I kept checking my pace...and started my little internal fight about keeping the pace that I wanted and not the pace the was going past me! I fought with myself for the next 1.5 miles...and then I won! I found a girl just ahead of me and decided that she was about my pace and I would keep the distance that we had...or get to her and I would not go past her!
Mile 2 9:53
Mile 3 9:44 I had the thought of hmmmm....10 more miles.....Somewhere around here I saw a man's shirt that said....lived-50 years. married-25 years. states traveled to- 50 marathons run-49 regrets-0 Don't know why it stuck with me...but it made me smile
Mile 4 10:22 I was feeling good....first and really only hill of the day was taken in stride....
Mile 5 9:43 I took my first gel of the run....it went down really good...followed it with a little water and we kept going.....
Mile 5.5 saw the winner of the 1/2 heading back to claim his spot....
Mile 6 10:05 I decided that the long sleeve shirt had to go....I debated back and forth about taking the number off and transferring it or just leaving it on...which is what I did for the time being...Right around this time I started running side by side with the girl that I had been hanging onto since mile 1.5
Mile 7 9:56 Just kept going...
Mile 8 10:02 Keep on going....
Mile 9 9:51 Gel #2 I started to feel just a little hungry here...not bad just twinges.....
Mile 10 10:08 Things slowed down a little....I decided while I was going slower that I would switch my race number to my current shirt...so the unpinning and re pinning started....running safety pins...and my belly....I'm sure that I was told as a child or should have been told not to do this!
Mile 11 10:04 Really really hungry now....Starting to notice that my shoulders and upper back were getting a little tense and sore....Then I started thinking about my feet...and they were sore....
Mile 12 10:02 I continued to think about how things were feeling....then I started to think about how could we just be done with this already! Then I remembered my quote that I had found and decided it would be my quote for this race just the night before.... "No road is too long for him who advances slowly and does not hurry, and no attainment is beyond his reach who equips himself with patience to achieve it." - Jean de La Bruyère I wasn't thinking about the road being long....but that I needed to have the patience to achieve it....I wanted to do this...I get to do this...I saw a few signs at this point that people had taped to their backyard fences "Yes you can!" It was really nice to have the support! Really nice!
Mile 13 9:56 We were running around parking lots at this point through the campus....My one big complaint of the race....don't lead me up to where I know I'm going to finish and then turn me around and make me run in circles! UGH....I started to feel like man I'm just going to run around and around and around here!
the last .1 We rounded another sidewalk of a parking lot and I had to stop.....a little boy was leading his Dad on a chase through my path....it reminded me of my little ones at home and made me smile! Then up my little hill into the Glass Bowl! There was a little stretch in the bowl we ran through to cross our finish line...FINISH LINE! It was great....but I was in my own little world...I do wish J and the kids had have been there....but it was so good to hear them on the phone when I called....J told me Isobel had something that she wanted to say to me...."I got to talk to my Mummy!.....RUN RUN RUN MUMMY!!!!! GO GO!!!! I LOVE YOU! COGRATOLWATIONS!!!!!" It was delayed cheering....but it still brought tears to my eyes...and I have to say that is when I finished my race...sitting in the car with a 3 year old cheering for me through a phone!
A big thanks goes out to my dear husband who let me do this and watched the kids for me! Did I mention that he has finals this week!? Another huge thanks to Jenny and Greg for the ride and words when I needed them! And thanks so much to Ange for getting me through this....it's just the first step in so many for me!
So now I can say I'm a half marathon runner....That is until I can someday say I'm a marathon runner! Lulu

2010-04-08T13:31:00.001-07:00

Icky Day
It's been an icky day...Don't know why...just has...could be any number of things...
bad sleep...
cranky kids...
icky weather...
old memories eating at me...
I don't know just hasn't been my day though...I debated whether I would even do my scheduled run during the day or just leave it till after the pool tonight....but then you know it just might not happen and that would make my icky day even ickier! So I did it...It was a treadmill run...I've never had an issue with the treadmill I don't hate it I don't even dislike it! I mean at least I'm running....Today I decided that I don't think I like it anymore...I had a recovery run on the plan...so I figured this will be good get the kids to sleep and hop on get my time in and be happy that I have a treadmill here to get it done! I've become spoiled....running outside is easier for me...and it showed today...So I was really tempted to be frustrated about the slower pace that the treadmill was making me keep....but I think I'm going to just stack it up to a off day and move on.... I really don't want to become enemies with my treadmill because she really saves my butt sometimes! So lets turn this icky day around and kick some butt in the pool tonight! Oh and I found the quote below to be so true and just right for me so I thought I should jot it down....Lulu

"For me, strength starts with my body, and as my body grows stronger and more competent, it fuels a strength in my spirit. It fuels the strength to
Say no and mean it.
Say yes and mean it.
Take a risk and fail.
Take a risk and succeed.
It fuels the strength to quit.
And, begin again."

2010-04-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

Getting Back To It And Damp Bike Rides.....

So it's been awhile since I've written...I've been sick sick and more sick again...I finally gave in and went back to the doctor...and her verdict was that I had a sinus infection, (real bad one) Bronchitis, (managed to have a major broncho spasm in the office) and Pneumonia....So this time I ended up with antibiotics, steroids, and these lovely little things called tesslon perles for the incessant coughing....Oh they were so wonderful sleep ahhhhh.....

So in the long run I took way too much time off this last month...leaving my legs begging for mercy at the end of each workout that I do these last few days....but it has been wonderful I mean wonderful and incredible getting back into the swing of things...it's been a reminiscent of the days when that burn was proof that I was accomplishing something and making myself stronger....While I'm enjoying the burn I would sooooo like to get back that strong feeling that feeling of wow I can crush that! All in due time though....I'm taking it easy on myself (not physically but emotionally) and giving myself some time to get that feeling back.....

So I did my first brick in a long time this last Friday....For some reason I thought I was going to die about 15 minutes into the bike ride...hmmmm not a good sign for the rest of this workout.....I kept going with the thought of it won't be that long....literally counting down the minutes of my bike portion....I did the bike on the trainer waiting for J to get home and watch the kids while they were napping, so that I could head out on the road for my run. Soon enough it was time to hop off the bike....and hop I did...quick swig of water...pull a shirt over the head and off I went....I was surprised I was moving right along and didn't even feel like I had the jelly legs that I've felt in the past during a brick....but then I looked at my HR and noticed it creeping no I mean leaping up there! So I decided if I was going to finish this that maybe I should slow down....That's where I ran into problems....I tried to adjust the pace and every time I felt my legs first scream in pain, and then the jelly feeling would come flooding down my leg....so I tried for the first 1/2 mile to slow it down...and then I gave up....HR would just be up there for this run....Surprisingly though I did slow down the farther I went....It was an amazing feeling to be out there running following my bike...I vacillated between feeling like I was on top of the world...Rockstar...to Oh my god is this ever going to end because I've got nothing left....All in all I'm happy I've got lots of room to grow and I'm looking forward to it!

Another first happened today....my first real road bike ride for the season! WhoooHOOOO! I headed out knowing that my legs were a little tired...but I was going to do this...And wouldn't you know as soon as I stepped outside with the bike it started to rain...it had been threatening all day....I decided that I'm a big girl I can do this I'm not made of sugar....and off I went....the first few miles felt a little different to me but I was good...and then I started to feel more comfortable on my bike...and I felt even better...didn't even mind the gentle rain that was pelting my face....Didn't care for the wind but it was ok....I rode out to where I wanted to and then turned...then I started thinking I don't think I'm going to make it an hour in this rain...I'll just head back home and set up the trainer for the rest of this....The closer I started to get to home the more I started to think that it was going to be a dripping mess in the house to set up the trainer...I had water dripping off my nose, the front of my helmet, and well just about everywhere else...so I took a couple of detours and added a couple of miles in there. I did it I made it all the way to an hour!!!!! Yay for me...Once again I would have liked to see a better pace...but then again it's my first day out in the rain and wind so no place but up for me to go! So proud of myself that I stuck it out for my whole ride!!!! Lulu

2010-03-11T05:11:00.000-08:00

Random Happenings

First.....YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! I'm finally getting better!!! 14 days! Really that is some sort of torture! I'm still having just a tad bit of coughing but it's sooooo much better! I got to run outside yesterday! And it was wonderful....I had thought that my HR would be up and I would be running super slow...but once again YAY! It wasn't that bad and I was actually running a tad bit quicker than I had been previously with that HR! Thanks Ange...You told me so! And then the best part of the run I got to run a little bit faster and let my zones creep up to Z4 to finish up the run! I felt so great when I got back! I didn't even have a coughing fit where I felt like I was going to cough up my toenails! It was just wonderful! So here's to health and nice weather!!!!
My HAPPIEST random thing!? I've noticed in the last couple of days that the body has been changing a little....while that can be a good thing I started to look at the past few weeks and think about what had I been eating....? Was I eating enough? Was I eating healthly? The scale used to be my best and worst of friends...I was obsessed....and so now I totally avoid it....but this morning I dragged it out to make sure that things were ok....and guess what I gained 2 lbs! And the good thing about that is I was happy! 2 lbs of MUSCLE! I've never been happy to see a weight gain in my entire life...today it represented becoming stronger to me....not becoming fatter! I finally could use my head to look at the scale...I've obviously not gotten fatter, (I mean hello? Isn't this why I'm weighing myself anyways? I was worried because I had to cinch the belt tighter....) I've gotten stronger! So here's to overcoming past demons, and laughing in their face!
Another random thing....I've been looking for some nice little running shorts and a nice top, oh and nice bike shorts....just to celebrate the new weather....I have the good old standbys...but would like to have something for the upcoming season.... So I thought I had it pinned down....and then they didn't have the color that I wanted....or the size....ugh.....then I was contemplating these other ones at Atheleta...I think I could sink into one of their catalogs and be a happy girl! And then surprise I noticed that one of my favorite little blogs is hosting a giveaway from Atheleta...and what would she being giving away!? The exact outfit that I was eyeing and deliberating over just last night! So Please if you are reading this pick me Anne Marie !!!!!!! Then I just need to decide which color green or blue....Any opinions? (from the few that follow). Check out her giveaway over at http://www.goalsfortheweek.com/ Thanks for doing this! And here's to winning!
Oh I can't wait to be 100% better and have outside runs be more frequent! But it's so close I can almost touch it! Lulu

2010-03-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

Sick....
I've been sick now for 9 days! 9 DAYS!!!! The first few days went by in a haze with me completely out of it on the couch for the most part....tossing and turning at night, with raging fevers....and then back on the couch again during the day....Then I had a couple of days where I thought wow I must be almost better, even felt human! Still completely and thoroughly congested but better....Those days weren't so bad...I used them for alot of thinking and reflecting and really felt like I settled alot of things in my head! Now the last several days I've been miserable....Still congested but coughing up a lung as well.....and my goodness the worst headaches ever! I'm soooooo done......I'm ready to feel like me again! I'm ready to get up and accomplish things! I'm ready to tell my coach let's go! I'm feeling so redundant....Nope still coughing today...... I'm so ready to try out my legs and run outside in this incredible weather that we have been having! Yup that's right add insult to injury it has been absolutely beautiful weather....Sun, warm temps, no wind, and SUN!!!! Oh and if that wasn't enough torture....I've completely ruined my husbands spring break....So seriously I'm done already! Enough is enough! On a brighter note though we did drag out the adirondak chairs and soak of the sun today while the kids played in the left over snow....mmmmm it was so nice! Lulu

2010-03-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

What do I Want From This?

I've been asked to make a list of what I want from this little journey that I'm on....So here it goes...

First I want something for me....Then I want something that is going to help me give more back to my family...

I want a sense of being something more...

I want to feel strong...Powerful even!

I want to find out how much I can push myself....

I want to have a positive image of myself...not one where I have to or want to be a size zero, but one where I can look at my body and think Damn I look good! A image of myself where I can look at my legs and not think how thin they are but what they can do!

I want totally incredible muscles

I want to give my children a Mum that they can be proud of and that they can look at and say "That's my Mum over there"

I want to have my children exposed to a life of activity, of reaching to be more, of athleticism, I want them to know that they can be anything that they want to be, not because I lamely tell them that, but because they see me living it!

I want to have that rush of doing something that is different...out of my element...

I want this to become my element!

I want to be conquer fears of not being good enough....

I want to conquer old fears....not just conquer, but blow them out of the water!

I want to be challenged...

I want to have the feeling of working hard and accomplishing it!

I want to run a awesome 5k time....of 27:00 min....right now....

I want to be happy with my 5k time...and not compare myself to someone else....

I want to Finnish in the top 5 of my age group in the dual....

I want to quit beating myself up about things....

I want to be happy and proud with myself....and teach my children to do the same!

I want to do this to find greater sense of who I am and what I want to do....

Now I need to find out the things that are keeping me from accomplishing these and fix them!

First it's ok for me to have something for me...I don't work anymore, I don't do hardly any of the things that I thought made me "me". It is important for me to find the time and energy to give to me! And I will!

I think that even though some days I don't feel like it does that this allows me to give back to my family in more ways than I know... Good stress reliever, good time to think, good time even not to think! I just need to remember that I'm worth it and they are worth taking the time to recharge for a better me!

I've always reached for the sense of being something more....and I don't even think that it's being something more as much as doing something more....and realizing that I am more than I think sometimes...

I'm feeling strong and powerful...compared to what I used to feel and now I just want to push those boundaries even more!

I can push myself till I can't push any more...till I puke...and it's ok....it's a process of learning where the right amount of push is....

I'm working on the positive image thing....That's going to be one of my biggest demons though....I've spent so long putting myself down...comparing myself to something unattainable....I am no longer allowing myself to see those images...instead I am surrounding myself with images of strong women...but most important I need to look at my own image and like what I see....I want to see what this body is capable of doing...not how skinny it can get!

I want my children to see all these things...and to be all these things....and yet sometimes it is the little things with them that wear me out...and I could so easily say ugh...not today I'm too tired...it was too much today, it was too stressful....I'll do it tomorrow... but I will not use the little things, or stresses that I face in life a Mum to allow me to put off the bigger picture of making these little people into better people that can offer themselves to the world as whole strong people!

The fears of not being good enough come in all shapes and sizes....It's a process...one that I can't even describe....but I'm looking forward to a new way of thinking....

Old fears: heights, speed, water, not succeeding, giving up, Confronting is something that I've never tried...I've tried dabbling in the water....I've tried looking at things....but I've never tried just putting myself in it....not giving myself the option of backing out! One of the things that I've found helps so much so far is to quit thinking about it and just do it! Relax it's not going to eat me!

While I want to feel challenged, I need to remember where I am and my challenge may not be someone else's challenge....I want to learn to be happy with my own challenge....not just happy but proud of my own challenges. I also need to learn to embrace the pain that comes with it....it's not always going to be easy!

I excel with challenges of becoming better in my head and I just need to learn to set realistic goals of getting better....one step at a time....right now I want 27:00 minutes...next year who knows? But that is next year... not now....so leave it till then to worry about!

Being proud of myself comes hard....I tend to say whoohooo I did it.... and then quickly say but it's no big deal, I mean that's not great....But it is....I need to believe in myself and appreciate that while some of my past choices weren't great that choice to do something now is great! I need to learn to enjoy the journey and not be in the biggest of hurries to get there! That's why it's called a journey! I may not have always been an athlete...but I'm becoming one! That's the important part!

I'm scared to say that I want to finish top 5 because I'm afraid that I will fail.....Once again self defeat! I think I'm seeing a pattern here....my biggest obstacle is myself....The biggest thing about saying this as a goal for me is that it could happen....and to make it happen it would be wonderful, but it's not the end all! It's just a goal...and if I don't do it this year there's always next year!

Beating myself up.....I don't really know what is standing in my way to not doing this....realizing that I am more, that I am worth it, that I do have talent, that I do have the guts to do it...I don't know...but I'm going to find it and I'm going to bite my tongue till it bleeds the next time that I catch myself saying something else that puts myself down!

Happy and Proud of myself! High and lofty goals right! I need to look at myself differently...it's going to take some time....but I better hurry because I've got 2 little ones watching ever so closely!

I have found myself embracing new things...exploring new things....and not being as fearful....I need to continue to work on this....but I'm looking forward to finding out more!

Wow was that a lot of stuff or what!? I hope most of you stopped reading long ago....but it's good to get it all out there! This list really morphed into way more than what I was asked for...but that's part of my journey I guess...LuLu

2010-03-02T09:39:00.000-08:00

Painful Decisions....

So I've made a decision....And I think that I'm proud of myself....I'm officially not doing the Half Marathon in April....
I think I might have gotten a little ahead of myself deciding that I wanted to do a 1/2 marathon in my first year of running....While I know that I could have done it....I have decided that I want to concentrate on doing some smaller races and my dual or tri whatever it may be...because that is why I started on this little journey to start with....That is what I was on fire about...and that is what I'm going to do!
I feel relieved and refreshed at the thought of not cramming the training for the half in....I was sure that I was going to be kicking my own butt for deciding against doing it is surprisingly absent....Instead I feel like I have made a really adult decision that is good for me! I had thought that I would hate myself for saying that I was going to do something and then not doing it...I thought that I would feel like I was giving up....I thought that I would feel like a failure....Instead I feel set free...to have fun and to move forward with something that really hope that I'm going to love as much as I think I'm going to!
So while this decision was painful along the way...I am feeling much less pain about it now....This was not the time for me, but the time will come...and I'm excited about that too....LuLu

2010-02-28T12:07:00.000-08:00

Please Quiet the Demons in My Head!

Well here I go again...my mind is running totally amok! I am no longer questioning if I can do any of this period...just should I do this 1/2 marathon that I'm planning on....
To start back at the beginning....
I had originally decided that I wanted to do a Tri...not just any tri but a tri near to my hometown in Maine....For reasons unknown to me my husband DID NOT want me to do this...and made my life quite unpleasant until we made a deal....The deal? I would stay here not do the tri, but a dual, and he would then run a 1/2 marathon with me....The dual was my idea...the 1/2 was his....While I'm sure someday I would have branched out and wanted to do a 1/2 or even a whole Marathon, this idea was not something that I was ready for....but I was excited all the same...I would still get to do my thing...and then have my family doing something with me! Well as time has gone on...I'm still adding my miles on and getting ready...and my dear husband is NOT! So I'm getting a little nervous and start bugging him...you need to run and find out where your at....to which he responds that he won't have any problem and will do just fine...Turns out that this is not the case...he isn't able to just hop out there and run a 1/2 marathon without training...he isn't able to run a 5k without training....in fact he isn't able to run much at all turns out! So here I am with my increasing miles, and no one to run a 1/2 marathon with me that I really had no intention of running to start with....
I've slowly come to terms with the fact that I will be doing this thing on my own...I think I've worked through all that in my head....but now I'm fighting with myself do I have enough time to get ready....my Coach says I do if I don't want to compete in it...Which I don't I want to finish it....but she also says that I will really have to pour the miles on to get there....
SO I'm scared....
Will my knees handle the training....?
Will I handle the training....?
Do I want to handle the training...I mean I didn't even want to do this before?
Will I have enough time to get outside....?
Will I be able to not be soooo bored out of my head running a 1/2 marathon by myself!?
Why do I wnat to do this?
Should I go ahead and pay the registration?
UGH!!!! Would somebody jsut tell my head to shut UP!!!!!
I think my main problem is I like being in control! I like knowing what I'm doing....Neither of which I like I've got a good hold on! I mean I've never run that far....so how do I know what it's going to feel like? I've run 7 miles before...adn I can't imagine running another 6 after that! I want to say that I'm strong and I can do it...but I'm having a hard time getting there....
The last week had been a hard week of training...don't really know why....Can't put my finger on it....I jsut felt tired...like I was dragging...every run was an effort...every trainer ride took an act of congress to get started...Once I got going it wasn't bad...is was getting going....I had all but given up my idea of running this thing...I was going to e-mail my coach and say that's it I'm not doing it...let's concentrate on the 5 k's and the dual! I mean who knows...maybe I'll even do the tri instead, (my swimming is getting better...why not!) Then I begrudgingly started my 4 mile run on Thurs...I felt icky the first 2 miles...and then it happened....I felt like a different woman! A strong woman! A woman that could run steady and strong....! Slow steady and strong! I finished those last two miles with teh feeling like I could go and run another 9 miles! O.K. maybe not quite, but my confidence soared! I could do this, it was in my reach...and if it was who cared about all the other questions...I mean if I could do something why not just do it then!?
Well then Firday happened....I started to feel sick! Not jsut stuffy sick...but deep respiratory Influenza sick....Then it lifted a little....but last night as I was curled up on the couch trying to catch my last glimpses of the olympics I gave into this sickness 100 % I'm SICK! Really sick! I'm bummed....I've been looking forward to my OUTSIDE 5 mile run all week! It was going to be 39 and partly SUNNY....totally unheard of here in Ohio! So here I sit questioning myself again...
Should I do it?
Is it worth it?
No maybe I should jsut scratch it and do the 25k that I keep eying in Sept.
No I think I will do it...I mean if I felt that good just a couple of days ago I can do it right?
But I'm losing valuable training days....
Mile building days.....
When am I going to get better?
How many days am I going to lose?
Seriously my head jsut needs to SHUT UP!!!!!
When I feel better I'm going to make a list...a logical list and go over it with the coach! Until then just quiet PLEASE! LuLu

2010-02-19T17:42:00.000-08:00

My MAJOR Pet Peeve!

I've tried so hard to swallow this little thing all week....Well it hasn't worked and now it's going to come spilling out here due to the fact my husband is sick of hearing about it!
In what feels like a past life...I was a figure skater....My pet peeve....People making fun of figure skating....I mean really! The list of things I've heard this week is long... it puts you to sleep....your ashamed to admit that's what you love to watch on the Olympics....every man that skates must be a homosexual, omg are you serious he's married!?
First I want to say that in the past I was obsessed with figure skating much to the elimination of all other sports...This year I have been sooo enjoying all the sports...I've even been trying to see all the qualities...and the skill that is involved even in luging...So if I can do that people then you should open your minds too! Bashing another athlete and their sport does not make yours better, or you superior!
Just a few highlights of my life in figure skating....I can not even tell you the bruises, contusions, and cuts that littered my body through those years. Try hitting the ice when you are 3-4 ft in the air...it's not too forgiving!The injuries were frequent, and the last one was severe....The devotion and sacrifice that goes into the sport are all encompassing....And shocker of shockers you actually do have to be in good shape to hurl yourself in the air and spin around while in the air, and then land on ONE foot...All while making it look effortless and graceful! So thus the hours upon hours spent in the gym....We actually did lift weights, not just check each others costumes and makeup!
While I can't say that I really have enjoyed the display of costumes lately...It is part of the sport...It does not take away any of the athleticism! I have to agree that the men's costumes this year have been particularly challenging to appreciate...but please look past that and see the strength that it takes to do what they do! They are amazing athletes that devote their life to a SPORT, yes I said SPORT! and they deserve respect for that...And I would just like to personally challenge the next person that disses skating to if you are a woman...? Make it through a 4+ min program, hurling yourself into the air rotate 3x at break neck speed repeatedly, complete intricate footwork series, flex your body into positions that the normal person wouldn't be able to get out of, and spin until you think that you are going to lose everything that you have eaten in the last 2 weeks, Oh and could you please manage to do this while you look effortlessly graceful, and beautiful! If you are a Man? Try all that and make sure that you rotate 4x. Or better yet why don't you try lifting a woman above your head and skate on one foot! (Oh and don't drop her that totally ruins her career! Trust me I know!) Well I think that enough....LuLu

2010-02-18T10:00:00.001-08:00

Emotional Meltdown....

I'm now entering my third week of being coached and my eighth month of this little journey that I'm on....I've had little meltdowns before....Not like this one though! So I got my Heart Rate Zones and thus the meltdown ensued....I had received my HR zones for the bike before this and didn't have a problem with those....Then I got my running HR zones and I became an emotional wreck....At first it was a slow progression, and by the time that I was running with my new zones for the first time it started to snowball into a complete full blown tantrum....I was mad, I was upset, I was frustrated, I was a crying mess, on a treadmill at 5 in the morning! My problem with these HR zones?....Well that would be me and my lack of an aerobic base! So when I run in my Z2 I'm only going at a well I wouldn't call an 18min/mile a jog, definitely not a run...and really not even a walk for me....So what did I do....well I spent 50 min. and made it 2 .75 miles into my 4 mile "run" and then the kids were up....UGH!!!! So then what did I do...cry some more, bundle everyone up and feed the animals, and then completely without thinking sat down and wrote an e-mail....Spoiled brat tantrum style to my coach....Not my best moment....The emails went back and forth all through the morning...I'm sure she thinks I'm insane now! We came out on the other end of it with some new HR zones....me feeling like a 2 year old (not because she made me feel that way, quite on the contrary), and me with a lot of mixed up feelings about myself, ( I'll add once again not because of her....but because I over analyze everything!)
I have always been a very throw everything I've got at it girl...and for the first time I have to let someone else help me...someone that knows more than me! Not easy for me...I like to feel in control of what I'm doing... But I'm going to take from this whole experience that I need to listen and relax... Stop thinking so much...Oh and did I mention LISTEN! Trust, and patience she says so here it goes....
While I was reading some other blogs I just fell in love with these quotes and had to quote them....because they really really spoke to me...
"As an athlete believe in yourself and what you can do and you will reach higher than you ever thought possible. Build upon what you have, what you are, what you do. It’s a feeling of quiet confidence that’s not measured necessarily in pace per mile or overall placing……. but how you feel when you cross that line."
This really means a lot to me because I NEED that quiet confidence....Not something that comes natural to me, but I WANT it!
"There is nothing wrong with believing in you. There is nothing wrong with believing in a dream. There is nothing wrong with having the dream. But if you have the dream, believe the dream. Don’t ask to be believed in. No one can believe in something that is hollow and has nothing to stand on. Believe in something solid and you will in fact learn to fly."
Wow that last one really really hit home....I tend to be someone that needs a little extra encouragement...and I hate that about myself! I want to be that confident girl that goes and kicks it in the ass! I want to FLY! And you know what that is what I'm going to do! Here I come! LuLu

2010-02-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

Body Image or Body Composition
I'm going to get a little personal with myself here for a minute....It's not a subject I like to talk about...I don't like to look at it or admit it, but it's something that has been a huge area, problem, and obsession in my life....so I've been giving it alot of thought as of late and want to get it out of my head so I'm writing it down...

Ever since I can remember weight has been a huge issue in my life...My Father always made a big deal about it, (my step mother was always overweight), my grandmother has always been extremely thin, (doing whatever she had to do to remain that way). My skating coach yelled one to many times, "get your a** off the ice, is it getting to heavy for you to keep up with?" While none of these people ever told me that I was "fat" (Well with the exception of the coach, and those words weren't ever really used,) I felt this imense pressure on me to be the thinnest I could be....Not just thin but REALLY thin! Not the thin that looks good to most people, (I know this now) but the thin that really catches someones eye, like Oh my GOD, she is way to thin....

As a teenager I struggled with alot of different family problems and really felt out of control in my life, so I controlled what I could, and that was what went in my mouth....As I look back on it I was really really sick, and am really surprised that I am still here sometimes. I found a journal that I kept, a food journal, not to long ago. I was literally blown away with some of the entries that I made....On one day I wrote, Wow ate too much today. Got carried away. What had I eaten for the day? Instead of my 1/4 head of lettuce I ate a whole 1/2 a head of lettuce...and finished the day off with a 1/2 of a grapefruit....It makes me sad to think that that was me....There were even entries like...."Feel great today. Ate nothing and drank only water! Yay for me!" That was one of the last entries....Why? Because I got scared....I was taking care of my much younger sisters one day, and in the middle of the day I passed out just fell flat on the floor....I woke up with both my little sisters hitting me and screaming NONONO don't die Please Please! I loved them more than life itself and it really broke my heart that I terrified them....I look at that day as one of the most pivotal moments in my life....I thank every lucky star I have that it happened, and that I had them! It woke me up! I'm not saying that I haven't struggled since then....but I'm so glad that it made me think and gave me something else to consider instead of myself!
There have been many things since then that have kept me in check. My incredible husband, that has taught me that food is not my enemy, but something that I can even enjoy....My children, have also given me a new outlook on life and made me realize that it is so important that I teach them healthy habits....I can't even imagine my daughter growing up with this baggage, and I wish more than anything to give her a healthy strong Mum to look up to....

I have to say though that letting myself get on the scale is a scary thing....( I even had my husband hide it and it worked for a good long time) It is so easy for me to look at a number and think that isn't where I want to be and then I start down a path....A path I don't want to travel again....but my thinking lately hasn't been so much about a number....it's about being a healthy weight that will let my body do what I'm asking it to do....and you know what my body doesn't work without fuel....and that is what is making me more mad than a number I see....So maybe I've found another check for myself....So I am trying to approach weight differently this time....not as a body image but as body composition....I know I need to be careful and have alerted those that are close to me that I'm working on this, and to let me know if I'm heading down that wrong path again....So with much trepidation I'm starting on some body sculpting. So here it goes....LuLu

2010-02-02T18:31:00.000-08:00

The Start of Something New

So this week marks the start of something new for me....I hired a coach! I'm excited to see where this takes me and the new things that I can do with this body! I've had lots of different thoughts leading up to this...and the more thinking that I've done I've found that while I was really super motivated when I first started this adventure...I feel more like it's a routine than something that I'm on fire about....I've gotten bored, bored with my treadmill running, bored with my biking while watching TV, bored with my usual mileage, bored with even my i-pod playlist, just bored...
Today I experienced something that felt familiar....A high, a exercise high....not just after it was all done but while I was doing it...I have to say there were a few minutes where it didn't feel so glorious, and then I felt that feeling of Wow this is awesome, I'm hurting, and I'm liking it! I feel strong! Bring it ON! While I don't feel like I'm right where I want to be or like I'm really pushing like I could right now....(you know all the excuses... I hate them but sometime there are legit ones...like this cold that won't go away, with the lovely sinus headache, switching schedules and becoming a morning person, (I mean I've never run in the morning in my life!),I am sooooo looking forward to this month and the possibilities! A refreshed, LuLu

2010-01-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

Some Weeks....

Some weeks, well they just suck! Here comes another grumpy post....but I'm hoping by getting it ALL out that the next week will be a lot better...I mean it has to right....?
This week hasn't been all lows, there have been highs...but I seem to be struggling keeping my head above the rushing water swirling around me. The week started off all messed up with the long holiday weekend...It was lovely to have an extra day with Jasen but it just set things off...The kids were happy having the father home to play, (he is of course the fun one!). So of course they weren't happy to wake up tues. morning and find Baba gone....I swear all I've listened to all week is BABA! BABA! I want BABA! To tell you the truth after awhile it takes it's toll and you start to feel like a rotten Mum!
I have got all my running miles in this week...but to be completely honest...except for enjoying my run outside...I haven't really been relishing my runs...They have seemed more like miles that I need to complete! I don't want that...I don't need that...I need to have that be my time that I can relish and look forward to....It needs to recharge me and make me feel like I've accomplished something...even if it's just the feeling of getting my butt kicked....and I just haven't been feeling it...
So the purpose of this rant is first to get it out...and then to recharge myself...make me look at things different for this upcoming week...I really need to get organized, find my patience, find my creativity, and find my energy for these crazy little monkeys of mine, and find my drive and love for this journey of fitness....
First, Get it OUT! UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
Second, I think I'm feeling a little better....
Next, I'm going to do my best to meet this week with a happiness that I have been missing...I think it got lost in grey and gloom that is NW Ohio winter....
Next, I'm going to write out a schedule that we are sticking to this week....and plan out my workouts, plan the weeks meals, write a grocery list....
Next, I'm going to write a long, long, long list of things to do with these kids in the rain,snow, and bitter wind, so that we can have a better week.....
Then, I'm going to drink some coffee, (in the morning that is...)
And then finally, I'm going to feel like I'm the most lucky Mum out there to be able to bike and run my way through this new week, and I'm even going to SMILE my whole way through my 6 miles tomorrow even if it's on the treadmill! LuLu

2010-01-22T07:36:00.000-08:00

Stupid New Year's Resolutions...

As you can probably judge by the title, this post is me frustrated and grumpy!
So while I'm not real big into the whole new year's resolution thing...especially when it comes to exercise and fitness....( I think that it should be something that is a year long thing or else it is just going to fade away...and I say that with experience...) it's no secret that everyone else is.... Not that this usually affects me a whole lot...but it has the last few days....
I have been running for awhile now...It was great this summer getting out with the kids in the jogger, it really helped to break up the day.... However this late fall and winter living in NW Ohio with my husband gone until after dark most days, it's not an option for me to take the kids out and run outside. So I like a few other people have heavily relied on the treadmill....I don't have my own at home...I have been using the one at the hospital that I work at...It's in a little tiny tiny rehab room downstairs....and no one I mean NO ONE ever uses them...except the rehab people during the day.... No problem fits my schedule perfect... get dinner, bathe the kids, story time, kids in bed, I go running..... Well back to the New Year's resolution thing... Now that we have entered that lovely time of year...everyone in their brother seems to be using the treadmills! On one hand it's awesome....I think that everyone should be active it makes people happier and I think that I would like to work with happier people right!? So why am I frustrated...and grumpy....? Well last night a friend of mine and I are running.... and this girl comes in to see if anyone is using the treadmills.... stomps around....and then rudely asks my friend, "Really how long do you think you are going to be?" My sweet and kind friend says, "Um well, I don't know, maybe 20 min. or hey you could have mine and I will bike or row..." The girl rudely responds that she wants both because a friend and she are going to walk on their break so never mind.... (which the funny thing is they are both from the same dept. that is not to be left unattended, but they are both leaving to walk? Which will clearly leave it unattended.) Before my friend or I could respond she rudely stomps out! Ok, so my friend and I keep running....I felt bad....I had planned on running 4 miles last night....but would have switched it with today's run if she wanted the treadmill or here's a brilliant idea nicely asked! So a few minutes later I had just finished 3 miles...and here they come again...I started to say, "Hey," (which is as far as I made it before I was very RUDELY interrupted) "if you want to run now you can have the treadmills and I'll just switch my runs around...no big deal." Instead like I said I was interrupted with "Ok we need the treadmills now. We are on break and we only have a few minutes so you can use them when we are done..." UGH!
So I was a little irritated...just by the rudeness....but I can live with that...What I can't live with...? My friend and I gave them the treadmills....Got our stuff together....and started to walk out....Took I don't know about 5 minutes....By the time that we had walked out and walked past the window....I guess their few minutes were up...SERIOUSLY!!!!!!! All that rudeness for maybe 10 minutes if even that?!!!! You spent more time walking back and forth from your dept. than you did walking on the treadmill! UGH!!!!! So while I would love to see more people active and living healthy lifestyles, and truly sticking to their resolutions....I just want my uninterrupted running time back!
So today I will do my 4 miles outside...maybe there is a silver lining to this...I get to run outside for my longer run instead of being on the treadmill....Still I think I could have done without the dose of rudeness that was dealt out last night! A Grumpy LuLu

2010-01-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

Outside!!!!

So I've been feeling less than hardcore...Yes I've been running...but I've not been outside for months! I miss loading up the kids and going for a run to break up the day...but I can't say that I really hate the treadmill...it doesn't bother me at all...The only thing that has concerned me is that I was afraid that I wouldn't have the same endurance outside, and that I would be running with a lot less speed come spring, (which wouldn't be good considering that I'm not the biggest speedster out there to start with...) Oh and the fact that I read everyone elses posts about their freezing temp snowy runs and think, Man they are some hardcore people and Man I'm such a WIMP!
So I've been thinking about it...running outside that is...I've even planned on it somedays...only to chicken out...but this last Saturday it was a warmer day than usual....so J and I bundled up the kids threw the jogger in the back of the truck and went for a run....It was a short run due to the fact J has been sick and hasn't been running much, and the kids were also complaining of cold after not to long. But it was HEAVENLY! I finnished up our little run with the best sprint that I have ever done in my life! I actually reached and held for a little amount of time....(but that fact that I even saw this number on my Garmin blew me away)...Here it is 5:05 min/mile!!!!! Wow! I mean I can't believe it....totolly didn't know that I could move that fast!
That night it was back to the treadmill to finnish my miles for the day....I don't know if it was in my head or if it really was that bad...but man did my foot hurt...I thought I might finnish up limping for a minute there! UGH! So one minute I'm floating on cloud nine and the next I'm barely able to run.
I decided that I would take it easy and just run my miles last night...slow, slow, slow, and if it hurt too bad then I would come home and bike...well I made it through not much pain...so I did all the miles and came home to ice the BUNION! Yes I said BUNION! I feel like an eighty year old woman!
So then today when I had J telling me go take time and do whatever you want to do, you need it! UGH would I be able to run? I was going to try for sure! So on the shoes went, and oh no the toe is getting a blister....and the bunion...hmmmmm....I readjusted the shoes and then out the door I went! ALL BY MYSELF! The plan was to do my long run and see if I could do the whole thing outside...please no pain....
Here I go. Can I do it...Can I stick with it endurance wise after months on a treadmill? Can I run with the same amount of speed? It felt great to see the old running trail! The answer to those questions? YOU BET! I ran farther than I ever have! I thought that I was slow but the Garmin reports that I was only a few seconds off. and the cold wasn't that bad, except for at the end when my legs and rear felt like they were literally frozen meat....guess next time I'll try two layers of pants.
This week looks a little promising for maybe a short run or two out there with the kids in the jogger so we will see how it goes...Hopefully the forecast holds good!

OUTSIDE= HEAVENLY!
LuLu

2010-01-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

I'm such a WIMP!

I feel like such a wimp....I haven't run outside since oh the first or second time I ran in the driving wind with snow pelting my face! My legs were frozen...my face was frozen....I was surprisingly warm everywhere else...But trying to run outside just doesn't feel like it fits into my day while J is home 2 days a week...When do I do it between meals and then whatever he has planned...? Maybe if it was a little easier then I would suck it up and get out there! Probably not... I would just find another reason that it is too miserable and cold out there....So here I sit feeling like a major wimp! I really felt like a loser when I read the blogs about others heading out in the single digits, or massive snow storms...Oh well I guess I will keep plodding along with what I'm doing and feeling like wimp at least today! UGH....LuLu

2010-01-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

Giving Myself a Break....

So the other night I ran....If you can call it that....I only ran 2 miles...that was what was on my calender for the 1/2 marathon training schedule that I've been trying to follow said....but I had felt so good before going out that I thought just maybe I'll do more than I have planned! Not gonna happen! Less than 5 minutes into the run it started the dreaded cramps on my left side....UGH! So I definitely knew that I wasn't going to last longer than the 2 miles....But I vowed to last that long...with NO walking! So as I plugged along I thought...had I eaten dinner to close to running that night....had I drank too much water to late....had I not drank enough water all day????? What was going on why do I keep getting these cramps!? But I buckled down and you know what I might have run slower, not that my fast is that fast....but I did it! All 2 miles with no walking....relatively good pace for me...it even turned out to be faster than my first 5k pace...no bad....So I'm going to give myself a break and I'm not going to beat myself up for running slower or only doing the 2 miles...I mean come on I did what was on the schedule...(whether I think it's wimpy or not) and the best part I ran right through that cramp! OUCH but I did it!

2010-01-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

Am I Pushing or Being a Wimp?

While I tend to think that I'm just a wimp and should be able to stick it out all the time...I recently had a spell of 6 days with nothing....no running...no biking...no swimming...and no just working out! So I think that maybe even though I think I should be able to do more and push myself more all the time....maybe to avoid these spells that I should give myself a break, and maybe not push quite so hard. But then again I start arguing with myself that I'm just being a wimp and when I do push myself I find that I can run through that cramp, sore knees, sciatic pain, and surprise surprise it goes away before the run is over! So what am I doing am I reaching my potential or being to easy on myself! This is only one of the reasons that I have struggled with if I need a coach or not....SOOOOOOO here it is I decided to let someone else make those decisions for me! And most of all help me reach my potential much quicker I hope than trying to muddle through these questions myself! I'm so excited....but then again I'm a little scared....I guess time will tell whether this is the route for me....Time will tell....but I'm anxious and can't wait to see! LuLu

2010-01-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

So What Do I Do Now.....????

So I've been at this for 6 months answered some questions....Improved alot....And now guess what? I have more questions...Questions that I don't know if I can answer....Questions that make me wonder should I really try to swing it and get a coach...(which would just make my uncertain, super planning, wanting to be organized, but I want to know now! self feel so much better!)....So here's the next set of questions.....

Do I need a Coach....
Am I being ridiculus thinking I need a coach!
Should I just read and reseach more....
Would I really want to do what a coach says all the time....
Should I get a treadmill, or buck it up and get my butt outside?
Am I going to do a tri or a dual....
Am I going to do a 1/2 marathon
and when....
Is J going to do it with me...and are we going to do it pushing the kids?
Is my heartrate getting to high when I run...and why does it get that high....
Should I just get up earlier with J and hope the kids sleep like always and hit the bike on bike days...
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing too much to early?
Should I try to get a new bike....I think I know the answer to that one.....
What is and how does a Tempo run work?
What is and how do intervals work....and how do you read those stinking recipes for them...I mean I've not always been a runner so I don't know what they are talking about! Ugh!
What are my heartrate zones...and should I be using them more....
Do I need a COACH!

Well I think that is enough for now....

On a completely different note....Looking forward to my run tonight...going to hit the treadmill over at the hospital after the kids go to bed....I have really been doing well for me. I feel a little ashamed of saying that I'm kicking butt when I only ran a 30 min 5k but it's the best I've ever done....All in perspective I guess....I even did 2 miles in 19 min....so I shaved a little off those miles again....we will see what happens tonight! LuLu

2010-01-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

The Questions Revisited

So I posted these question about 3 months after I very first decided to get off my butt with a purpose....with a goal in mind....My goal? A triathlon in my home state...a good excuse to get home for a visit with a purpose...and a real big reason to move and become athletic! I was overwhelmed with alot of crazy questions...and now I would like to see how many I can answer 3 months after the fact....
My goal has been forced to change...due to my husband starting a new schedule with school I won't be able to make it home to do my first Tri there....and I am still debating on whether I will be doing a tri or a dual....time will tell.
So onto the questions

1. can I do it?.....While I am still struggling with the swimming and the lack of time that I have to get better with the swimming....that aside I am truly shocked at the improvements that have been made to this body of mine...I think all the time why didn't I ever run...the changes to ones legs make it totally worthwhile! I now think instead of can I do it can I place? How can I keep shaving off time with my runs?

2.why do I want to do it?....I still wonder some days....but I really think that I want to do this because I want something for me that is mine...and it feels great...I mean to look at my body and think what it has been through in the last few years and think of what it can do in the short amount of time that I have been at this? It really excites me to think of what it will be able to do by next year! I also love the feeling of sharing what I am doing and being part of this bigger group of people that are athletic and focused in on these great sports! Oh and even though it's for myself I want to be the Mum that my kids look at in a few years and say to the person standing next to them, "Hey that's my Mum out there!" And better yet in a few more years than that I want them to be right there with me!

3. what was I thinking?.... I don't know but I'm sure glad I was thinking it!

4. will this even work out scheduling wise? It has been hard at times...but it's working...things are about to make a big change with scheduling again...but now it's really important to me so we will make it work!....As far as what races I can make work....I might not always get the race of my choice, that's ok, because there is always a different one out there that we can all make work!

5. can I place? It's a shot in the dark! But it sure is fun working at it and trying!

6.when is my husband going to start supporting this? We had a rough few months....And I found out that he was worried about me...running by myself, biking on our roads, and mostly didn't think that it would work for me to go to Maine for a race this year with all that will going on...So we did what we always do made some promises and compromises! And now it's "Good Luck with the run" and "How was your run?" when I get home! So much better!

7. when is my husband going to lose it on me and say enough is enough? Well he hasn't yet....but he definitely isn't above the rolling of the eye when I get too obsessed!

8.why do I have all these questions? For the same reason that we question anything....the unknown....and you know what I have a whole new set of questions now.

9. is my body going to let me do this? Can't say that the body isn't still protesting at times.... but it is alot more giving than it used to be! I can't believe that right before I started this that I had just been to the doctor with strange unexplainable very painful joint pain....after many specialist we found that I have psoriatic arthritis. They tell I'm not hurting myself so I will keep going until I can't....and you know what I feel so much better!

10. are my knees really supposed to hurt like this? I still don't know....but I don't think so....good news is they hurt alot less now, and when they do it's not as bad...but thank god for frozen peas they have been awesome friends through this last fall....

11. why am I so afraid of water? Still don't know working on it and getting maybe marginally better.

12. what am I going to do to get over it? I don't know....so I keep plugging along...I feel better so I guess it's working some....? I've had suggestions anywhere from stick your face in a bowl of water and learn how to breathe that way....to take a lifeguard class....neither of which I've tried...but I'm thinking of the bowl trick....maybe?

13. how am I going to pay for all this? Turns out you save and pinch pennies everywhere....and my birthday, and Christmas were kind to me, so I'm a little closer to having what I want....Still would like a nice new bike....but the old one with new tires will have to do for my first race for now....

Wow it's amazing how many questions just answer themselves with a little time....Like I said I have a whole new set now! (but that's for tomorrow!) LuLu

2010-01-01T16:46:00.000-08:00

New Year's Resolutions.....

While I refuse to enter into the whole normal new year's resolutions of fitting into a certain size, or being the perfect person (you know all the typical will be broken promises)....I have however decided 6 months ago...(nothing to do with passing new year's resolution fancy) to become the strongest most fit Mum that I can possibly be! I wanted something for me and I wanted something to help me give back more...and I think I have truely found it....It's not always fun sometimes it's full of suffering...but I am so loving the new lifestyle of training for my first tri...or dualthlon...we will see which it will be! When I very first started this I was confronted with so many questions in my head that I felt like my brain was going to explode....you know the how when, where, and how, all this would work... So thus the start of this blog...and as you can see it didn't get very far...So here is my New Years resolution: write my feelings about this training journey down more often! Record some of my little progresses along the way! Vent when I don't think I'm making enough progresses! So see not a big resolution, just a little thing that can help maybe and if I don't do it no big deal! So I think I might even be back here to answer a few of those previous questions...alot has changed! And maybe even raise some new questions! LuLu

2009-10-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

So here's the big question.....

Or should I say string of questions that are now popping into my head....

can I do it?
why do I want to do it?
what was I thinking?
will this even work out scheduling wise?
can I place?
are you kidding me...place? Didn't you just say can I do it period?
when is my husband going to start supporting this?
when is my husband going to lose it on me and say enough is enough?
why do I have all these questions?
is my body going to let me do this?
are my knees really supposed to hurt like this?
why am I so afraid of water?
what am I going to do to get over it?
how am I going to pay for all this?

So as you can see I have more questions then I even know... and they just keep coming... so this is going to be my outlet to voice them and then to maybe slowy try to answer the ones that I can!