Making Peace With Me Myself and I

At times I'm hard on myself...and then I start thinking that I'm not hard enough on myself....I know too much analyzing might actually be my problem....

I've been on an incredible journey this year which is what this blog has been about....and I all too often forget the steps that I've taken in this journey....I just recently was beating myself up about not accomplishing anything...not reaching for new things....Shortly after this a friend not even knowing how I had been feeling posted some pics that she had taken several months ago @ my sprint tri....I sat there and looked at them and then I looked at them again...and again....Then it hit me! Wow I have really come a long long way in one year! I've had a year filled with firsts! I've become active again...I've started to run which I've never done...I've conquered a major fear of water....I've run 5ks....I've run a 1/2 marathon!....AND I've completed a triathlon! All of these things started as a little tiny tiny dream last Sept. A dream that I've lived and made real!

So I'm turning over a new leaf....I'm not comparing myself to others that have done this sort of thing all their life...I'm comparing me to me! Where I've come from! I'm enjoying those little victories that I have made happen! And I'm moving forward!

Lulu

Thankful

I took the break....I felt guilty about the break...and then I felt disgusted with myself...all because I thought that I had lost so much ground that I wouldn't get it back before my last race of the year....Well it turns out just maybe I will get what I want out of this last race....

I have this idea of a time that I would like to achieve with this race because it is the anniversary of my first 5k....I remember that race with the fondest of memories...I felt like I had achieved so much when I did it....but yet I would like to go back and blow it out of the water! I was on the track for this...and then well then I took that break!

I have been trying to convince myself it didn't matter...but well with me things like that matter....I hate the feeling of going backwards! I have no one to blame but myself....so I decided that well guess what honey you made the decision so it's time for you to be smart and make some new goals based on where you are at!

I started out with a run earlier this week to see where I might be at....I set a goal for mileage...and then a goal for a nice little track workout in the middle of the run! This is where it really really started to suck for me! I missed my goal by 30sec. I worked my heart out on that track...so I thought.....left some pride and the contents of my stomach out there on that track.....and I fell short...but that was what this workout was all about...finding out where I truly am now....Next up a nice little run pushing the kids....I've been avoiding pushing them in the jogger lately due to some shoulder pain that I've been dealing with....but I figured you know what you better get out there and do it! So I did and well I did better than I thought I was going too! And then my favorite part of the week! Well I headed out to run on the treadmill at 8pm....UGH! I hate doing it but it was the time I had avail. So I made the best of it....I decided to really really push and work harder than I thought was possible....Well I did and it turns out that maybe I didn't work my heart out on that track! Because I hit my goal pace that I had wanted on that track workout and then I passed it up by 30 sec.! When I finished I stood there on that treadmill and thanked my body for what it has done in the last year....I thanked myself for the break....I thanked friends who have stood by me and encouraged me! I thanked my former coach for all that she taught me...and for teaching me how to hang on and push! If you are reading this Ange? Thank you for all that you taught me and for being such an inspiration!

So here I stand thankful and ready to do this race....I still don't know if I will get the PR that I'm hoping for....but I'm fired up and ready to try!

Lulu

Burnout...Or Disillusionment....

I don't know what happened...About 2 months ago, I was going along and everything was ok...good even....and then it hit me like a ton of bricks....I needed a break....I didn't have it in me! I was worn out and not enjoying this thing that had brought me SOOOO much joy.....It felt like work....A job that I didn't want to drag myself too....A job that I wasn't present at even when I was there! Some things had been going on at home that were less than wonderful....and that had me thinking too....So I changed some things...I took the break....way longer than I probably needed....I reevaluated me....life...the wife that I am....motherhood....I'm happier now....still quietly thinking about some things....but I hope that the time that I have taken works....I'm back and I'm ready to hit this thing again....maybe with a little more balance this time....but still I'm ready! So hopefully I'll be back here too...and I think like all other things in my life this blog will become a little more well rounded and include other aspects of life not just my athletic journey! So here's to being well rested...happy....and ready to go again! Lulu

Road Kill And The Shivers

I had a long run scheduled for me yesterday on TP....and I also had my husband wanting to run with me....which means the kids come...which means pushing the kids in the jogger....UGH! They are getting sooooo heavy! And oh my gosh the wind was blowing like nobodies business....Oh well suck it up and lets go! So we headed out armed with strawberry yogurt cheerios and juice for the kids...water and a gel for me....

We did the trail in town...without much ado....a little less whining from the kids than usual....which is always a welcome reprieve....Before we got back to the car I asked J if it would be ok if he took the kids back home and then I ran the rest of the way home instead of driving home with him....He agreed that that would work just fine for him....So off I went....I cranked the Ipod and was ready to enjoy some well not so quiet "quiet" alone time! The first mile flew by and I felt great! Then the next mile happened....SUN SUN and more SUN! Burning bright scorching SUN! I started noticing that I was not feeling so great about 1/2 way through this mile...I was concentrating more on my feet then where I was going...Thus the road kill! I have noticed in all my training that I pass a tremendous amount of road kill! And today had to have been the record! ICK!

At the beginning of my next mile I started to notice just how hot my head was feeling....Hot I mean blow up and pop hot! There was no shade and man was it hot hot hot sun! I started to beg the wind to blow my direction! It of course did and Ahhhhh it felt great every time it did! Then I experienced one of the oddest sensations....while my head felt like it was going to explode I felt my entire body break out in goose bumps....middle of the winter freezing to death goosebumps! What was this all about.....Then I felt a little light headed....and then it went away.....a little bit later....it came back....Man did I want to just get home!

I plugged along and before I knew it I was home and I was sooooo happy to be there! Long run done! Completed! In the bank! I headed straight for water...then I headed straight to the bathroom for a ice bath!

The ice bath had to have been the sweetest ice bath ever! I filled my tub with the water got in and started to adjust to the water....I had brought my bag of ice and set it right next to the bathtub ready to dump in....Well Isobel decided that I had adjusted quite long enough and started to add the ice for me! Before each piece of ice she would get this little grin and say...."Mum get ready now....this ice is pretty cold!" Kam joined the party and instead of adding the ice he was fishing ice out and cooling himself.

My legs did a little protesting through the afternoon...but are feeling much better today! Hoping to never feel like I did on a run again....but I made it and all was well in the end.

Lulu

On A Mission!

I finished a 5k earlier this morning....with a PR but not the PR that I want....And now I'm on a mission....I want more! I know I can do it! I can feel it! While I was on my way home I had some thoughts of I don't think I have a whole lot more in me than what I did today....but then I remembered....if I learned anything from this whole experience it is that I can do things that I don't think that I really can do! So I'm going to do it! I'm tracking down the PR that I want by the end of the season! I'm going to do it!

I didn't plan on this 5k I had heard about it....but I've been laying low with the races or even talk of races with my husband....My friend Becky brought the race up at the beginning of the week and asked me if I would go with her....soooo I bit the bullet and brought it up to my husband....he wasn't all excited about it but didn't seem to upset about the idea either so I registered....I totally screwed my training log for the week...but since I have no specific races that I'm heading for at this point I'm not too upset about it.....

I slept great last night and woke up before the alarm....quite awake actually! Amazing what a good nights sleep will do! I got up and got ready....I had decided that I would be running with the Garmin but without the HR monitor....it held me back at the last race....J asked me so you going to win this thing....? HAHAHAHA!!! HA! You're soooo funny dear! No but I was going to do better than I did last time....and I was going to be mentally tough!

And be mentally tough is exactly what I was! For me that is! I didn't listen to myself....in fact I don't think there was even too much that I was saying to myself today! BIG HUGE deal for me! So while I want 45 sec to 1 min faster than what I did.....I still accomplished a PR and that is good enough for me today! I'm happy! Yes I still want more...but I'm really happy with my brain being a little quieter while I was running and for experiencing mental toughness today! Now next time....I'm going to hurt and then make it hurt even more!

Lulu

I Want I Need....Well no...I Just Want....

Are these not just the cutest shoes ever!

I know the season for shorts is 1/2 way gone but I have to have these for the last 1/2 of shorts weather!

And won't this be perfect to toss on the top as it gets a little chillier?

I'm going to be needing some longer pants as the cooler weather sets in...and they coordinate perfectly with the above jacket!

And then as it gets even colder.... yet longer pants .... and once again perfect coordination!

Back to less cool weather....

I know a little cool for the above pants...but a perfect match none the less.....

I could live in this all winter....

With these of course!

And well this I just love!

And well this is even better! Couldn't go shopping without something for my little ones.....Because they definitely need something to wear to my next tri whenever that may be!

So what are the chances of all my carefully thought out choices getting purchased....Not the best....Probably won't get anything....but it was fun to shop! I will be ending up with something very close to this in the super near future though!

Clearly I'm in the mood to shop....(which doesn't happen often), So I think I'm going to go and clean some instead! Lulu

The Napoleon Triathlon Challenge...

My First Triathlon!

Wow it's been a long 11 months leading up to this one event! A long 11 months of workouts....some twice or even three times a day!....A long 11 months of sore muscles....A long 11 months of questioning myself....And now it's here and over with! I can say that I've learned a tremendous amount of things about myself...big and small.....and those 11 months have made me a stronger better person than I have ever been!

I spent the week leading up to the tri wondering what on earth was wrong with me....I wasn't nervous...I was sleeping....SOOOOO unlike me! I'm a total worrier...always have been....I must say that I come by that one quite naturally....I am my grandmother's granddaughter through and through! I finally decided that I must not be worrying because I was totally ready for this...I had put in alot of training hours and I could do this.....

Huh WELL......then I drove the course.....stupidly the day before....I know I should have done it before....I don't even have the excuse that it was too far away it's a few minutes from the house.....I was scared now......I'm sure that I've mentioned living in NW Ohio that there aren't any hills in our area....NO HILLS! That is what I trained on...that is what I expected...and that was what I was ready for....SURPRISE! The next town over has hills....and I'm not talking the little grades that I'm used to I mean "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WOW THAT WAS A HILL!!!!!" hills! I was really really scared....I was sure that there was no way that I could do this....Now I was clinging to the fact that I just want to finish this thing....

I went out for my little teeny tiney brick to get warmed up and check out the equipment....and I decided that I would see what I could do! I went the way that I knew offered the most elevation....they are little grades....not hills....not even close....but I needed to know that I could totally crush those and be ok....And well I did! I felt so much better! I got home and found an email from my coach telling me, "Oh you will be ok!!!!! Just don't be intimidated..it's a hill 4 everyone. Shift into your easiest gear and just get over it.....it's just a piece of road :)" I know the just get over it meant to get over the hill.....but I took it as "GET OVER IT!" And it was the best advice ever! I spent a quiet evening getting things all set and packed and the nervousness was gone! YAY!

The next morning after a surprisingly good night's sleep we got everyone up and ready and was off.....We got there and I went to get marked while J got my bike together for me, (still not nervous)....I set up the transition area soooo carefully.....(still not nervous)....walked around....(still not nervous)....Then I heard my friend Jen! Oh my goodness! She had said she was coming and I had told her not to! She just had a baby a couple of weeks ago....the last thing she needed was an early morning and standing around waiting for me! But I have to say it was incredible to have her there! Race meeting (still not nervous).....Line up for the swim....(still not nervous)....Wait forever to get in the water! (still not nervous)...I even found myself telling the girls behind me that it's ok it's just a swim go do your best! Have fun! Seriously did that come out of my mouth!!!!

THE SWIM

So the swim...totally not my strongest portion....I wasn't too nervous about anyone hitting me...so imagine my surprise when I felt someone grab my ankle....not touch but grab and then PULL! She pulled so hard that she pulled me backwards in the water managing to undo my time chip device! I was totally surprised but surprisingly not scared by the whole thing.....We were almost at the end of the 1st lane so I just grabbed my time chip put it back on and kept going.....I had a plan...I would swim a lap take a couple of seconds....and swim another.....I had a plan and I followed it! I was proud of myself....not a great time in the water but Hell I swam it! Which is way more then I would have ever expected to do! And for that matter more than I can say most others did....I was so shocked to see so many people instead of pausing to catch their breath they literally walked the entire swim! (the pool is all shallow....allowing them to walk). The best part of my swim was hearing the kids and J cheer every time I got to the end where they were! It was amazing! At one point Isobel said, "Hey Mum you need some milk?" and offered me her sippy cup! That one got quite a few laughs around the whole pool!

THE BIKE!!!!

I was so proud of my transitions that day.....They were organized and relatively quick and I passed a ton of people in the transition areas! Only one minor freak out in T1.....I got out dumped baby powder on the feet and started to put my socks on....my SOCK! Where the F is my SOCK!!!!! I only had one sock....Oh well....put it on the foot with the orthotic in the shoe.....I found the other one off my towel....as I was getting that first sock on...(someone must have bumped it). I was off and out there! Dreading the hills a little but ready to go! Before I knew it I was at the first and the biggest of the hills that I would see that day! I shifted down....and I attacked it! I was up it and not out of breathe or tired at all!!!! Damn I CAN do this! I rode that course with purpose and a drive that I didn't know that I had! I never slowed up....or backed off....If I went down I hill I shifted and pedaled even faster! I went up a hill and I shifted and tried to keep my cadence as close to what I'd been riding at as I could! I totally had a blast! I was so not expecting that! It was fun! FUN FUN?!

THE RUN....

Well the transition went great! I felt good and I smiled at everyone that encouraged me! I felt so excited that I don't even think I thought about this is the last part! I started out really good and thought man if I can hold this it would be great! Well I couldn't I started to feel like I was going to lose my cookies! Wow never felt like that while I was running I've had cramps but never ever have I thought that I was going to vomit while I was running....maybe at the end of a race but never during! I kept going and then the feeling passed thank GOD! Before too long though I started to feel this strange cramp across my shoulder, collarbone, and going down my arm....I decided that maybe I should slow it down a little....UGH! I shouldn't have....because I know once I slow it down that I never get it back! I kept going....and that is about all I can say for the run....I kept going.....I had 1 really interesting thing happen out there on the run and 1 not so pleasant experience....The not so pleasant? There was a water turn around 1/2 way on the run.....I decided before I got there that I would grab 2 cups of water....one to sip and one to drench myself with.....As I approached the water area I noticed the woman had 2 but she was standing in such a way that I would only be able to get 1....I asked her could I have 2 cups please? She looks at me like I'm a complete moron and says...."Uh Why?" I had so many things go through my head....and what came out was definitely not my shining moment of sweetness...."Uh....Seriously!? BECAUSE I WANT TWO FRIGGING CUPS OF WATER!!!!!!!" She looks at me shrugs and says.... "uh ok" I quickly shrugged off the incident and headed back..... The really interesting thing? I was running back and I had the same older guy behind me that had been behind me the whole way....He came up next to me and said..."Hey you think that I can do this thing....?" I looked at him and said "ABSOLUTELY!!!! I'm not going that quick let's stick together! Let's finish this thing!" As I looked at him I thought that I recognized him but wasn't quite sure.....Then it dawned on me! MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER! "Oh MY GOD are you Mr Schumm?" He looked at me a little confused and said Yeah....? "Oh my goodness I'm Laura! The pregnant girl that had her C-section the day after your final a couple of years ago!" He starts laughing and says "No way! Don't take this the wrong way.....but you look alot different then you did then!" "Well I would think so! I was on partial bed rest and well extreeeeemmmley pregnant at that point!" It was so good to see him and show off the outcome of that pregnancy when we were all done! Never would have expected to see him there!

After I finished running with Mr. Schumm I started thinking about this whole thing....Oh my god I'm doing it I'm almost done with A TRIATHLON!!!! I started thinking about what I was running back too....my little girl who was going to finish it with me....my crazy little boy....my husband who cheers really loud by the way!....and some of the most amazing friends that I could ever have! I had done this thing...I had put in the hours! I had sweat....cried.....laughed at myself....and conquered some major fears on the way to this! And now I was just a tiny bit away from making it happen...I almost wanted to go slower just to make it last a little longer! I didn't.... I powered my way up that last hill and noticed that J had come out to yell and run a few steps with me! Wow am I lucky sometimes!

As I turned the last corner I saw Jen and Kam.....Jenny....Kaitlyn.....and Sam....I kept looking for Belle....and there she was! "Come on Honey finish this thing with Mum!" And finish it we did!

I highly recommend this to anyone and everyone! It's not just a sport! It's not just about fitness....it's about finding out who you are and what you can do! And the best part! It's about finding out that you can do things that you didn't even think you could do!

The sweetest thing said to me that day? That goes to Jenny! "You inspire me! You inspire me to be a better person Lulu!" Let's just say some tears followed that one!

Lulu