Thursday, February 18, 2010

Emotional Meltdown....

I'm now entering my third week of being coached and my eighth month of this little journey that I'm on....I've had little meltdowns before....Not like this one though! So I got my Heart Rate Zones and thus the meltdown ensued....I had received my HR zones for the bike before this and didn't have a problem with those....Then I got my running HR zones and I became an emotional wreck....At first it was a slow progression, and by the time that I was running with my new zones for the first time it started to snowball into a complete full blown tantrum....I was mad, I was upset, I was frustrated, I was a crying mess, on a treadmill at 5 in the morning! My problem with these HR zones?....Well that would be me and my lack of an aerobic base! So when I run in my Z2 I'm only going at a well I wouldn't call an 18min/mile a jog, definitely not a run...and really not even a walk for me....So what did I do....well I spent 50 min. and made it 2 .75 miles into my 4 mile "run" and then the kids were up....UGH!!!! So then what did I do...cry some more, bundle everyone up and feed the animals, and then completely without thinking sat down and wrote an e-mail....Spoiled brat tantrum style to my coach....Not my best moment....The emails went back and forth all through the morning...I'm sure she thinks I'm insane now! We came out on the other end of it with some new HR feeling like a 2 year old (not because she made me feel that way, quite on the contrary), and me with a lot of mixed up feelings about myself, ( I'll add once again not because of her....but because I over analyze everything!)
I have always been a very throw everything I've got at it girl...and for the first time I have to let someone else help me...someone that knows more than me! Not easy for me...I like to feel in control of what I'm doing... But I'm going to take from this whole experience that I need to listen and relax... Stop thinking so much...Oh and did I mention LISTEN! Trust, and patience she says so here it goes....
While I was reading some other blogs I just fell in love with these quotes and had to quote them....because they really really spoke to me...
"As an athlete believe in yourself and what you can do and you will reach higher than you ever thought possible. Build upon what you have, what you are, what you do. It’s a feeling of quiet confidence that’s not measured necessarily in pace per mile or overall placing……. but how you feel when you cross that line."
This really means a lot to me because I NEED that quiet confidence....Not something that comes natural to me, but I WANT it!
"There is nothing wrong with believing in you. There is nothing wrong with believing in a dream. There is nothing wrong with having the dream. But if you have the dream, believe the dream. Don’t ask to be believed in. No one can believe in something that is hollow and has nothing to stand on. Believe in something solid and you will in fact learn to fly."
Wow that last one really really hit home....I tend to be someone that needs a little extra encouragement...and I hate that about myself! I want to be that confident girl that goes and kicks it in the ass! I want to FLY! And you know what that is what I'm going to do! Here I come! LuLu

1 comment:

  1. Just found your blog -- looking forward to following your running journey -- keep up the great work! :-) HAPPY EASTER!